Often I can get back to sleep, but tonight is one of those times when the only thing I can do is get up, move around, go to the freezer and pour a schluck of vodka at 4:30 in the morning, hoping that it will enable me to get back to sleep. I am thankful that it is not a school night, as this option would not be available to me if it was. Hopefully I will go back to bed and sleep in as long as I need to.
There have been a lot of minor earthquakes recently in my life. A close relative has tipped over the edge, leaving her family (me and my brothers/sisters and cousins) with having to find a safe place for her to live, and an estate, properties, and four storage units of three generations full of "stuff" to deal with. My school had a fire in the classroom next to mine, causing major smoke damage to my room. Last week I was given short notice to get out 20 years of art supplies out, and I am scrambling to decide what to keep, what to throw out, and living in another classroom full of chaos. Rumors are flying around about the school I work for...and whether or not we will all have jobs. I have 19 years in...and am 53. I pray for just one more year so that I can at least make 20 years...and hope for a buyout.....so I can leave with some decent retirement..as my husband has none.
Somehow in this madness, to sooth my psyche, I make art, I write, and try to have the appearances of a sane woman. And in the tossing and turning of the night, I have come to a place of peace and resolution. I will find a home for what I have not used in the last 5 years in my art room and for the remainder of my time teaching, whatever that is, I will keep it simple. And if I lose my job, I will deal with it then. In the meantime, I will keep reinventing myself along the way, promoting my art, making a name, and get ready to segue into the next phase of my life.
And my goal, no matter what happens, is to do it all with panache, style, and passion.