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Showing posts from September, 2008

I'm So Tired

I don't have too much zing left to write, but head on over to the Catstillpaper blog to read about last night's watercolor. I need a 36 hour day to do all the things that I need to do - teach, nurture family and friends, make art, be with my husband. So for tonight I will say little, but remember, the music is what happens in between the notes. Patti O Philosopher!

Bits and Pieces

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When I was in the monastery, only ONCE did we talk politics. It was too aggravating, and seemed like too sordid and soiled a subject to bring up on this retreat. But when I got home and read my emails, and caught up on the debate and other issues that had gone on in the past few days, I found myself breathing and trying not to be angry and frustrated. Thoughts ruminated through my mind such as how stupid, undereducated, ignorant and brainwashed by religion (to the point where they can't think for themselves)Americans are. But I then feel badly thinking such thoughts. I become the very thing that abhors me. Prejudice, pride, labeling. Negativity doesn't help nor serve any purpose here. Besides, what would Tolle say? HOWEVER, I did get a few emails of note which I will pass onto my readers, if you haven't already received them. Apparently the email that ran rampant about making a donation to Planned Parenthood in Sarah Palin's name was a huge success that grossed

Back in Reality Land

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I have landed here in my wonderful home which Larry has lovingly cleaned for my arrival. I am back on the "real world", catching up on four days of emails, while playing one of the two CD's that I bought at the book store. Buddhist monks and nuns chant in the background(among them Br. Phap Niem and Thich Nhat Hanh), a reminder of the retreat and of the amazing people I have met. I yearn for the mindfulness bell, and the atmosphere of the monastery. I am wearing a t-shirt that has a simple graphic with the words "A Lotus to You", the lotus representing the progress of the soul towards enlightenment, a true symbol of my journey. It is ironic that while opening my mail, I got a notification from my insurance company stating that I won't be covered for the last month of therapy. Some psychiatrist who has never met me has determined that my weekly meetings have not provided me with any significant improvement according to some book that they follow. I chuckle,

A cacophony and a bad smell

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I lied. I am writing one last blog on my lunch hour before I take off. I can't help myself. I had to share a few sounds and smells before I take off for the retreat. Yesterday upon arriving at Pegs, my therapist, I got out of the car and stopped for a moment to take in the beautiful early autumn day before I went in. Her office is in her house which is a lovely old 1800's home decorated with fabulous art and objects, and is in the Catskills. It is a heavenly place to heal one's soul, in addition to the woman who has been an integral part of my journey. Suddenly I hear a sound that I could not identify. It sounded like birds, but not just a few random tweets, it was a constant screech of strange sounds, almost like the sound of heavy high pitched squeaky machinery. I could not figure it out. It was an unworldly sound. I got Peg and asked her to come outside. She listened for a bit and said: "oh, it is the blackbirds migrating. There are hundreds and hundreds of

Getting Ready

I am going on a journey into the unknown. There is some anxiety attached to this adventure. I am excited and scared at the same time. I don't know what it is I am scared of...perhaps because it IS the unknown and I KNOW it is going to change my life. However, don't fear, I will not run off and become a Buddhist Nun. I just don't have the discipline. I am having my last glass of wine, and am saying goodbye to my computer and amenities that I have come to take for granted. I will go sans contacts, sans earrings and makeup. Moisturizer is the only must have for this venture. I am bringing baggy fuzzy clothes with cozy tops. No sexiness, no glamour. I leave the ego behind. I am giving Larry the EOS and taking the CRV. No sense on taking two cars if I can fit both Karen's and my stuff in my other car. I told him that he will think of me every time he drives it, and he says "yeah, I will be worried about even farting in it. " I stop a moment and take a go

Wo Fo Yo O

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In two days I am going to be spending four days living a very different life style than I do now as Thursday after school I am heading to a Buddhist Retreat Center for an Art/Mindfulness Seminar - Wo Fo Yo O. I have received an email outlining our activities at the Center, which was founded by the Vietnamese Monk Thich Nhat Hanh. Reality has set in, and a few negative thoughts crept into my mind---can I really do this? Can I practice the Noble Silence which lasts from bedtime till after breakfast? That is nearly 12 hours of silence, from ME who LOVES to talk. All that meditation from ME who LOVES TO KEEP IN MOTION. Arise at 5 am from ME who CAN'T EVEN GET UP AT 6 AM WHEN THE ALARM GOES OFF. The schedule is rigorous. 05:00am Wake-up 05:30 Sitting Meditation/ Chanting 07:00 Exercise 08:00 Breakfast 09:30 Working Meditation 11:30 Walking Meditation 2:00pm Personal Time 03:00 Dharma Discussion/Activities 05:00 Sitting/Chanting 06:00 Dinner 07:00 Self study time 10:00

Let's Be Real

The other night I was getting ready for bed. I turned on the TV to watch the weather, and then over to CNN to see what was up in the news. Instead I got some Hollywood garbage stuff, like the programs that are on the TV in the gym. I was a bit bothered by it, as I had held CNN to higher standards than that. Is this what America is becoming I thought? With all that is going on in the world, we have to see how dysfunctional the lives of American Icons are, or how much money them make and how many houses they own? What DO we value in this culture? What disturbed me most was a program on Fabulous Women Over 40. At first I thought YAY..way cool. I love that 50 is the new 35, and that people are valuing the wisdom and beauty of being over 40. But what I saw was a parade of women whose "over 40 beauty" was artificially enhanced by plastic surgeons. WAIT I SCREAMED, these are NOT true depictions of fabulous women over 40. Mary Tyler Moore, Suzanne Sommers (who claims all she has had

Bush in a Skirt

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Yesterday started out horridly. While rushing around and brushing my teeth before my dash out the door, I knocked over a ceramic glass from a bathroom set that Megan had bought for me and it smashed all over the floor. A string of very bad expletives spewed from my mouth, and I am sure at least one set of neighbors heard it. I picked up the big pieces, threw them in the trash with frustration, and headed out the door pissed, not even kissing Larry goodbye. Of course those are the times that as you run out the door you notice that the house looks like a mess, with the hair balls from the cats flying away from you as you rush around like a dirt devil. So as I am running out the door and not kissing my husband, I am yelling about our having to clean the house TOGETHER this weekend before the board of health condemns us. On the drive to work I realize I forgot the fruit for the fruit salad I was going to make for my students, so I stop at the local store to buy bagels and cream cheese.

Shifting the Focus

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I don't seem to have the time to always write my blog which is getting frustrating. Too much work, and I am fried by 9 PM. So instead today I am writing on my lunch hour as I don't even get home till 5:30 or so, and then have the usual work and cooking to do. I have a few minutes to ruminate and write. I have been spending time reading editorials and thinking about all the energy we are putting into negative comments about Palin and McCain. And some of it is getting downright mean. And when we get that mean and we develop a "hatred" of the other side, then we lower ourselves as humans and spiritual entities, and become narrow minded in our thoughts and focus...and we can become the very thing that we rant about. And giving too much attention to lipstick and soccer mom comments takes away from the very things we should be concerned about such as where the economy is heading....what can we do to prevent what is going on...regulating rather than deregulating, the war in

A few cards

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Save for the hour and a half that I chatted with Gina, then got a massage, I have been working solid. School, was NUTS (full moon last night) and mid afternoon until 8 pm I worked designing for my honored and loyal customer. I am not getting the hang of getting up at 6, then working till 3 or so, and then coming home to work even more. I do take breaks, but I am whiny, tired, and so ready to go to bed. Therefore, not much of a blog. But the cards speak for themselves, and one of them is for a man who runs a large film studio in Europe. My cards go all over the world and to some very interesting people. Wish I could put a chip on them and track where they go, sort of like "Where's George?". Off to start designing the postcard for the trunk show now. I am getting cramps and feel like biting someone. Patti O Pestilence

Little Brown Nut Hair

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It is late...after a long day of work (=not a great day) I went into the studio to work for a bit and let go of the stress. The only problem was, after an hour or so, I got the urge for going, to cruise with the top down...somewhere...anywhere.... So......never being one to deny the call of riding about the city on a warm late summer day, I called Annie, who is my fabulous 26 year old friend/co-worker whom I adore, and we went on an adventure which started as clothes shopping. It was a hoot. Nothing like pulling all kinds of things off the clothes rack and trying it on - some true gems, others worth at least a good laugh. (PS the older you get the harder it is to go clothes shopping) Then there was the boot and shoe adventure... Afterwards we cruised uptown to the Hoffman House, a wonderful old Dutch colonial restaurant in uptown Kingston. French Onion Soup. Wine. Nice conversation with the owner and bartender who are cousins. Then back home to do more designing. I finished off th

Two Sides of a River

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The Hudson has been a metaphor in my life for so many things. It has gifted me with endless beauty, and has symbolized the delicate balance between life, death and renewal. I capture such moments and memories through my photographs, paintings, and writing, and most importantly, my trips across the river have become genetically coded into my cells – each gaze the Catskills becoming a snapshot burned into my mind and sometimes witnessed by the camera, or onto a canvas. On the days my daughter had chemo, I would go visit her and Alanna, bringing over food, helping out in what ever way I could. My journey took me along the side of the Hudson River from November through April, and I watched the river freeze, heard the ice shift and moan when I would stop and stand to photograph in the late afternoon, river reflecting cool blues and pinks….and then saw the floods of spring rise close to bankful. My mother lives on the other side of the river….in a nursing home on an estate along the Hud

Some Statistics

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I have just finished a very long week, my first week back to work. I finally got my first pay check, and must head out to the bank early to deposit it, then run to the bank that has my mortgage so that I can pay it before the 15th. This time of the year is the most difficult financially for me, and I have to say I was a bit disappointed in the 40.00 raise in pay that I saw in my pay check. I get paid bi-weekly, so that means 20.00 a week. Of course, to be fair, an extra 100.00 +/- a check is being taken out additional so that I can get an extra check at the end of the school year, so in actuality I did get a 70.00 a week raise. But I don't think it even covers the extra money I have to pay in gas to commute, and in the increase in fuel oil/electric, and the rising cost of living due to the rising cost of fuel. One of the misnomers circulating about Obama is the fact that he wants to raise capital gains taxes from "15-28%". When doing some research, I discovered that

The Muse is on Vacation

Poor sleep. Long day at school. Therapy. The joy of the day was putting the top down, turning on the heated seats just a little bit, and driving from Woodstock into Kingston, near the ZONE, and meeting Annie at our fave Asian restaurant. Over some Thai food we lamented how the economy has made it difficult to be an artist. Lately we have invested hard work and money into our art, with minimal financial return. With galleries closing left and right, and people spending less money on art and more on fuel, we both agreed that it is OK that we don't feel the urge or need to make art right now, that we renew ourselves by other things. I have a lot of things pulling me in many directions, and I need to get a grip on some of them before they are out of control. I have a job that pays the bills, and I have to go to that, then navigate all the other complex areas of my life. There isn't a lot of energy or desire these days to go into the studio to make art, and that is OK. I actua

It's Just Not Flowing

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I feel stilted, stunted, unable to write. Perhaps I am just in a temporary hole, where words elude me and I am vacant. It might be the fall out from the mini earthquakes in my life that leaves me in a bit of a fog. Or maybe it's the red wine. Good news...Megan's tumor is benign. She still has to have part of or all of her cervix removed and when I think of if I cringe. I will probably go down there to help her with the baby and Alanna. I have plenty of sick time, and enough money to buy a ticket back to Nashville.... I should get frequent flier miles for this trip which is becoming all too familiar. It is a place where I feel like "A Stranger in a Strange Land". (I read that Heinlein book in high school....I wonder how it reads now.) Take a liberal too-young-to-be-a-true-hippie from New York and plunk her ass in the middle of a military base, wearing her Obama tee-shirt and jeans, replete with cowboy boots which fit-in-so-well there. Next visit I am going to get d

Cranberry Jellybeans

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I don't know how to blog tonight as my life has just had another series of mini earthquakes. You know the feeling, where you are fine one moment, and the next your heart falls through your stomach and out onto the floor. In my gasping I remember to breathe, and stay focused on the NOW. Yeah, to some it might spell poppy-cock, but after years of therapy, meetings, medication, and tears, I have come to find the most peace in being in the present.Can't change the past. Too many variables to even think about predicting the future. All we have is the present moment. I find reading the serenity prayer as a mantra can also keep me present. .... grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace And so the dance goes on of life and death in my life. WIthin the past month month my mother almost dies, a

EOS Review

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I am writing this review for all you car nuts out there who do the homework that I did before I bought my 08 VW Eos. Perhaps your Google search will bring up my blog and give you just one more source of info before you make that big commitment on that new car. And, it is a great time to get an '08 off the lot price wise, with plenty of time to still drive with the top down. After nearly four months of owning my car, I think I have discovered most if its joys and issues. Winter is not upon us yet, and I will get to rate it in the snow, but since it is basically a reshaped Jetta or Passat, I expect it to handle similarly. Remember, I did own a Dasher, two Jetta's and a Bug back in the day, and drove in many snowstorms here in the great Northeast. What prompted this review, was after a heavy dew the other day, I wanted to put my top down and drive to work. But since the car was very wet and I could not put the top down without wiping it all down, (who wants to fold a wet roof

In Trying to be Fair....

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After watching Obama's speech, and that of a few others in the Democratic party, I decided to watch the Republicans also. Fair is fair, and there are two sides to every story. I have limited access to TV as I have gone back to work, have worked several 14 hour days in a row and get up at 6 AM. The only two speakers I was able to hear were Giuliani and Lieberman. I had hoped that I would hear some intelligence, some substance to their speeches, SOMETHING to convince me to see their side too, and inspire me. Instead I heard a lot of bashing and raa-raa good ole boy talk. The economy, global warming, poverty, the war...where was that? I turned the TV off in disgust, even more firmly entrenched in my beliefs that they are puppets, stupid, or worse, entering senility much like McCain. What is wrong with America? I am scared. McCain has had four malignant melanoma's removed from his face. Though his prognosis is good, the fact remains that often melanoma goes to the brain,

Set Up!

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I am set up for the show tomorrow, but not without a few bits of stress and working from 8 am till 10 pm. Day two of no dinner may help a bit with the ole tummy flab. This is the first time I have shown mostly fine art. A majority of the shows I have done were more craft than fine art. This time I bought mostly art and just one rack of cards. Still no lesson plans, but today was spent just meeting the kids and talking to them about my class rules, grading etc. For the most part they were low key and very respectful, but then again I give it so I get it. I will leave you with a few quintessential photos of the Hudson at Clermont on Monday. Patti O Art

Photos of the Hudson

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I made it through the first day of school, came home to catch up on some return phone calls, then spent the rest of the afternoon and evening in the studio signing paintings, putting dust jackets on the back, and then putting in hook eyes and wiring them up. I still have much to do but I have school in the morning and need to get a good night's sleep so that I can figure out what to do with the students when they come in first thing tomorrow. I have not written any lesson plans yet, mainly because there are many things to do yet to get my classroom in order and I think I will have the students do that. For tonight I am going to let the artwork do the talking. Two sunset photos from the Kingston Rhinecliff Bridge series. I have been photographing my trip over the bridge for a while now, and these are two whose colors zing. And, I have not done anything but crop in Photoshop. Patti O Sunset

Laborless Day

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I stuffed as much into this day as I could, thanking the 19Th century laborers before me who made this a holiday. It is a celebration of the tenacity and dedication of the work force that has built this country - from OUR own sweat, not from O.P.'s sweat or money, many of which seem to be running this country. (OP=other people's). The irony of it is tomorrow I go back to my "real job", the one that pays the bills as I am not willing to live hand to mouth trying to sell art in this economy. Anyway.......snippets from the day. A visit to mom and look at old photos of her as a young woman. A lovely visit and swim with Karen and friends. A glass of wine at the neighbor's party and woodchuck commiseration rant. A picnic along the shore of the Hudson River at Clermont A expressionist watercolor as the sun was setting and almost blinding me. I will go to bed soon so that I can wake up two hours earlier than normal. When I rise at six AM I will greet the sunrise with m