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Showing posts from July, 2007

To All the Grandmothers

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Queen Victoria was the grandmother to 42 grandchildren, including stillborn and adopted grandchildren of course. She did have 9 children with Albert, and I suspect a few of them had a reputation of running around a bit. (oh that Edward!) This is an original authentic late Victorian print of her that I have in my collection. I don't imagine her the hugs and kisses type, but I am sure they must have bought some joy to her austere life. I was looking down at my fingernails today, painted light red, not too long, but long enough to look good in such a color. As I stared at them I thought of my grandmother, her arthritic hands with swollen knuckles with nails painted a similar red. Those hands worked some magic with knitting needles and crochet hooks. I still have the sweaters she made my brother and I in the early 60's. They are objects of veneration. I did not see my grandmother much. For some strange reason my father did not like my mother's family, and, being a control fre

Going Underground

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By the end of today the ole PMS monster reared its ugly head at me. I have been battling with nights without sleep. I lie there watching the clock tick, I feel like I am burning up, and am totally wired. I can't blame in on caffeine, one night I had nothing to drink, and I KNOW it is my hormones, and perhaps, maybe even the full moon. All I know is by 2 am I am ready for some sleep. As the evening wore on I felt worse and worse and was beginning to feel like the scarey skeleton on the card. I HATE when this happens, and I am sure Larry does too. However, it waited till after my guests left (good thing cousin, no?!!) and the only one who has to deal with me are the cats and my husband. I got smart and locked myself in my studio for hours till I felt civil enough to come in. Tonight's art work is a card from the 1800's. It is one of my favorite ones, even though it has been trimmed down and is probably not worth much. It is just so macabre, and right up my alley. Got to

Sunday with Riccardo and others

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Tonight's photos were taken during sunset after a rainstorm on my way up Route 28 to Woodstock. Anyone who comes to the Catskills is probably familiar with 28 as it is one of the main thoroughfares. I happened to have my camera with me for once. My guest Riccardo said we should put on our cameras before we even put on our underwear. We went to hear Riccardo at the Center for Photography in Woodstock last night. Larry has been working with him as he is doing a residency there. He is 26 and lives in Puerto Rico. I was so fascinated with his ideas and his drawing/collage/photography work that I told Larry that we MUST have him over for brunch. Those of you know know me well, know I am not much on entertaining. In fact I really downright hate it. It means I have to clean my house and make some kind of food. Lately I don't care so much about the house. I have resigned myself to the fact that my house is very lived in and has lots of stuff around, thought it is really interesting &qu

Celebrating the Feminine

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I left for an overnight to my dear friend's house about 45 minutes away. I planned to stay overnight as we had much to talk about, eat, and we really needed a girls overnight slumber party. Sharron and I go back to 1977 or so, when we met as art students. We painted together, sang Bonnie Raitt, had babies and married then divorced, and through the years we have made lots of memories together as friends. This short trip celebrated our lives as grandmothers, friends, artists, planned our futures, and the most fun part -- rejoiced in the feminine. She made a fabulous dinner and in between preps we ran outside and took pictures of one another, and talked about our ever changing and challenging lives. We support one another through honest dialog, and out of this we grow. We had a great time, (too great as I did not feel 100% today, LOL) I tried on her fabulous dresses which made me feel like a character out of the movie Titanic. I painted my nails red again. It always seems like such a

Alanna and Alana Co.

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I spent a better part of the day with my friend Debi and her daughter Alana Rose and my granddaughter Alanna Sophia. In order to be able to call each respective child when we needed them for one thing or another, we had to use their first AND middle name in order for them to know who we were talking about. Debi and I worked together 15 years ago and have kept up as friends well after she left. Sometimes a few years will go by before we see one another again, but we always manage to keep in touch. A few years ago Debi gave up on finding a great guy to marry and have a child with. I agree, they are hard to come by, and I might have snagged one of the last ones of that model. Too bad we never had children together cause Larry makes one heck of a great daddy-o/uncle, grandpa, to all of the kids in his life. In fact, Alana, Debi's little girl, said "Larry is kind and gentle". WOW. Deb adopted a little girl from China, and they came for their first visit. What a beautiful, smar

More on Art and Healing

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Just a quickie as I am heading to bed. A busy day, and a lovely dinner at friend's house whom we adore. They are younger than us, and I so love the energy and different perspectives that they both have! I went to the doc today for my physical. Though I have to have a few standard tests done (like my cholesterol, and the "where are my hormones at test")she thinks I am in wonderful shape. The month off has done wonders for my mental and physical self, and at 125 lbs I am in pretty good shape. Won't ever run again, but I am finally physically active. My blood pressure is holding steady (I do take meds but it has been high even with them) and the rest of me is in good health. I eat responsibly, do everything in moderation, and I think art does have a way of calming me and keeping me sane. I feel like I am returning to my body again. Amen. Tonight's art is a digital piece which is way too compressed for my likes, but in person it is really really detailed and cool. Thr

Art and Healing

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I posted the bottom piece a while back, but it was not finished. It had been sitting around in my studio, and then would resurface in my back room from time to time. I never got the inspiration to complete it. Same with the little black box I started as a gift for Larry. (hard to photograph it and flash blows it out. I need a better lighting system, but for now this will have to do) Perhaps part of the reason for my not completing them was that I was entering dangerous territory. The local art society is having a show titled Black and White. As I was cleaning my studio I thought hmmmm...these pieces will work. I still needed a piece here and there to finish them, but amazingly the pieces made themselves present, and they both came together. I have also been dealing with some pretty heavy issues in therapy. I want and need to be DONE with all of the pain, anger, and hurt from my past. I am willing to do the work and even though I know it will be difficult. For ME, part of the healing pr

Mechanical Techno Girl

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I am sitting in the Honda dealership, waiting for them to diagnose my car. I have to sit and wait for my car as I don’t have any other choice. Fortunately this time it isn’t 95 degrees in the waiting room as it was the last time I had to sit for a few hours. It is always interesting going to a car dealership instead of my regular mechanic as they see a woman and think that I don’t have a clue. What they don’t know is that I used to be a small truck/trailer driver and safety mechanic, and though things have changed since I did that 28 years ago, I am fairly mechanically literate. Jamie my mechanic treats me like a person who understands what he is talking about, and I am always interested in the “what and how” of things. Earlier this morning in preparation for the undetermined amount of time I will spend sitting here, I perused I-tunes and discovered Pod casts that I could download for FREE. I typed in NPR, and spent a good part of a half hour looking through the menu. I stumbled u

Searching for Myself

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After a morning of conversations with people I needed to call, or who called me, I headed out to the garden for some pruning, chopping, and mulching. I have decided it is all too much for me and I need to get someone in here to weed, mulch, and do yard work. I love the exercise and working in my little piece of land that I try and make paradise, but it is hard on my body all this ripping and hauling of heavy mulch and soil bags and tossing it about. I need to bite the bullet and hire someone. I did take the later part of the day to work in the studio for four hours. I needed some time to get intimate with my work space again. After what seemed a long hiatus, I swept, framed, gessoed a group of panels, and finished up a few pieces. Lately I find myself exploring my past and coming to terms with it through my art. I don't know that anyone will "get" what I am doing, but that is not important to me right now. I have sold some of these autobiographical mixed media pieces odd

Saturday Rituals

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On a nice Saturday I can be found at the local farmer's market, buying my food for the week: quiche from Pika's, crab cakes, fresh mozzarella, eggplant rollatini from another vendor, fresh eggs, veggies, sometimes a glass of cold currant juice, maybe some home made soap. I love the market; no elevator music, no florescent lights. I know many of the people and sometimes fantasize that I am once again in the market in Florence. After that Larry and I usually go for breakfast/brunch,only today I felt inspired to cook and made french toast and eggs. The gardens needed attention so out I went to stake the tomatoes, as puny as they are, weeded, put some more moo doo in some of the beds and around the plants, ripped out the rest of my old lettuce in preparation for the next planting. I took some time to relax and finish my book, then made dinner and just got back from a photography lecture by Sylvia Plachy who coincidentally is Adrian Brody's mother (Oscar winner for his performan

This American Baby Boomer Life

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I spent a lot of time thinking in the car the past 10 days. My odometer claims I had driven nearly 1,000 miles, and during that time I have done a lot of introspection. I love the series This American Life on NPR. As I have come to face some of the intensities of my past while on the road, I have garnered many memories from that time....stories which touch so many of us who grew up during the 50's and 60's. There is healing to be found in shared stories, and many of us boomers are looking for peace and a way to make sense of it all as we approach our golden years. On the way home a 2 hour trip took 4 hours due to an accident. I made use of my time listening to music, thinking, and reading. (The Mermaid Chair-will discuss that more at a later time) I took pictures of utility towers which have always fascinated me; they look like an image of a screen shot from a Twilight Zone episode which gave me nightmares for years. I took pictures of trucks bearing down on me like something f

On Being Domestic

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This is my sister and her beautiful 2 month old baby Alexander. My sister has a 12 year old, a 2 year old and the baby-she is going to be 42 in December! I find her quite amazing and don't know how she does it. She has to return to work from her maternity leave next week. Her life is complex with she and her husband working in Manhattan, a child in Jr. High, one in pre-school, and the baby will be cared for in the home. My head spins watching all that she has to do and I have been helping out whatever way I can. Whenever I feel overwhelmed with my life, I am going to think of her and that will keep it all in perspective. She talked to me about the re-occurring nightmares she has about not being able to get back to her family in Westchester from NYC. I am sure she has flashbacks to 9/11 when this happened. I can't blame her. I have told her to please call me if she ever needs anything. I have fallen in love with a little boy who smiles with his entire being when he sees me. I sp

A Very Strange Day

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I awoke early to bring Alanna to daycare and then head to Westchester for a few days to visit my sister. I have not seen her since she had her little boy Alexander in May. It was pouring, and I did not relish the thought about driving nearly 2 hours in the rain. I listened to the forecast, and tomorrow sounded no better, so I figured, how bad can it be? I periodically encountered mist and light rain on my trip until I hit the Hutchinson River Parkway. The sky got as black as ink, and looked very surreal. The heavens opened up, and thankfully I was able to navigate the roads in spite of the heavy rain. I could not read the signs but knew my way well enough. As I neared another split, I saw it was barricaded. Panic. I pulled off the side of the road and promptly called my sister for directions from the Cross County. I got lost once in Yonkers and the Bronx many years ago for hours, and did NOT want to repeat that experience. My sister had been trying to call me on my cell which I do not

Everything Must Change

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Judy Collins did the song Everything Must Change on her Bread and Roses album. I can't find the lyrics, but essentially the first two lines sum it up: Everything must change Nothing stays the same.... NOTHING. Especially the places, people and things that we often seek to find solace and comfort. This especially hit me when I made a trip to a State park after my therapy appointment. I spent my tortured teen years in the Catskills and I figured I would find comfort in returning to the embrace of those gentle mountains. I had been going to that park for over 30 years. I had surveyed the land and the trees there when I was 16 as part of an environmental youth group before it was even made and was forest. I took my children there as youngsters, and then went with my students up until about 6 years ago. There was a sand beach, a lovely small lake, and views of the Catskills all around. The beach was often full, and the ice cream truck came every day. I was looking forward to reliving su

Art and the Subconscious

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I feel blessed that I have the most amazing therapist in the entire world; she practices Jungian psychotherapy, and is very well versed in EMDR, a therapy that helps process traumas that cause PTSD. I have been in therapy on and off for years. The damages of my childhood and first marriage were far reaching and insidious in how it has affected my ability to love, trust, and have any self esteem. Most people would never see that in me; I have learned how to go deep and hide it well. But from time to time things bring me right back there, and it is proof that I have much to unlock and set free. I work hard in my search for peace and spirituality (not to be confused with religion) in my life. In my studio, after a particularly intense session, I came home and finished this piece. I was tempted to leave it without the NO....but then all it would have been was a pretty mixed media piece, and that was not my goal. I wanted to make a statement. I wanted to mix the pretty with the ugly. NO you

Art of and in the Gardens

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My friend on the Cape is an artist in her own right-she just uses different media than I do. Hers is her house and her gardens, mine is the paints and the papers. I have gardens all around my house. I call them my cottage gardens for the plants are quite like unruly children. I could really use some organization, weeding, and mulching of my gardens, but I don't have the time for that, so they just grow wild. They still look nice, but they are nothing like my friend's house, where they are well tended, and lovingly placed in beds that work for both the plants and the landscaping. My gardens are survival of the fittest, hers are mini works of art. She has little sculptures about her gardens, and I took a few pictures before I left. Having been away from the computer for so long, I imported them into photoshop for some special effects. Larry and I spent a few hours trying to tidy up the yard. We have lots of blue stone to keep weeded (weed whackers great for that) and I had to pul

Stories from the Cape Part 1

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I am back in town. I did not have much time to connect to the Internet as my friends are not the computer geek that I am, and it was OK, as a break from writing and art is important too. The true joy of this vacation has been that I have been able to spend time with two good friends whom I worked with for years, but whom have left for bigger and better, and left me behind . This year was a difficult year without them, but we have kept in touch and seen one another a few times a year. We have started a tradition of getting together to spend several days exploring, laughing, and exposing the deepest recesses of our hearts and celebrating out middle aged womanhood, which, by the way, is quite wonderful. Who said it sucks go grow older?! BAH. We have an unspoken trust and caring for one another which we will have for the rest of our lives. One of them lives in Orleans, so for the past two years we have gone to her house (a good 4.5 hours away) and explored Cape Cod in whatever way fits us.

On the Cape

Have made it here safely. I am sitting in a cafe that has wireless. I have not been able to write as it is difficult to get connected and I don't want to burden my friends with having to find places. Am heading out to Provincetown to play with my two girl friends, and Carol is driving the convertible with the top down. Life doesn't get better than this. Will write more later! patti

Heat Stroke

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Poor repro of my painting, but this is how hot it feels in my back room. I am frantic with packing for a four day trip to the Cape. I have never been this disorganized. I guess having a busy day and a 2 year old and trying to function in a steam bath in a house that has no central A/C. (which makes me think of somewhere deep in Louisiana, swamps and bugs and the sounds that your feet make walking in mud) My mind is fried, I am running around, trying to make sure I have everything I may need for my four days of R and R. I am so technically demented with all of my equipment that I must bring...iPod, laptop, digital camera, cell phone, and all the adaptors that go with them. Oh and my art supplies to boot, and books. And meditation videos for when I am awake while others sleep. Perhaps I will use none of them and just lie on the beach and listen to the ocean. Novel idea, isn't it? Will be reporting from further east....patti

On the Road

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It has been unbearably hot here. Too hot to garden, too hot to be outside swimming. I was feeling domestic (a rare occasion-I failed Martha Stewart school miserably) so I sewed a tablecloth out of some beautiful vintage cotton fabric I had been saving for years. I was so excited, put it on the table, and alas, it was too small. I felt the wind go right out of my proverbial sails, and stared at the tiny tablecloth on the table. Not to be deterred or have my fabric go to waste, I found another tablecloth to go under it. THERE I thought to myself. I am going to MAKE IT WORK Of course, I had the full intention of seeking out my William Morris print to make a curtain for a door into my sun room, but after that disappointment, I decided to save that for another day. I headed into town to do some errands that had been awaiting me for a while. I figured my car has A/C, as do the stores, so I made cool use out of the hot part of the day. One of the things I accomplished was buying a router and

Steamy Catskill Days

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How does one start a Sunday in the Catskills? At the Thomas Cole house in Catskill of course, followed by an ice cream at the Candy Man in town, served by my very own niece, Erika! Thomas Cole changed the course of painting in America. Previously considered the lowest of painting genres (#1 was portrait painting, #2 historical or genre painting, #3 still life and last but not least, came landscape painting) landscape painting was now elevated and revered. He taught Asher B. Durand and Frederick Church. Sadly he died at the age of 47, but in that time period left a legacy of paintings. Cole depicted the wild American landscape, and man's status and place in all of it. He also painted allegories and communicated the spirit of God in his work. The first photograph is looking out to the Catskills from the interior of the Cole house. The ripples are from the old glass, not from photoshop. The second is a rare glimpse of Cole's mid 1800's artists studio. I do not have a mono pod

Faces of the Dead

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The past few days whizzed right past. Gardening. Art. Alanna. Parties. PMS. I say PMS because it puts me into another zone. It has its disadvantages and advantages; trying to navigate it is a challenge. I am often best off doing things on my own or by myself so that I spare others my dark side which borderlines on manic. This morning I was in a bit of a funk but I figured out how to let go of my anger quickly-precisely 1/2 a block. As I was letting go of my frustrations, I drove past a man that looked like my ex brother in law who died of lung cancer a few years ago. His face, his essence, perhaps not his body, but it took my breath away. I have had this happen several times. My friend Mary who has come to me via a few different people, my father, and my ex husband and son, both of whom are alive, but in some ways are ghosts in my life. Each time this happens I feel time, place, and reality slip away and for a brief moment I exist in a very surreal state. Some of you may have had this

Lorna's Naturals

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I am a spoiled woman in some ways. I drink only fresh ground organic coffee made with filtered water. I bathe with preferably home made soaps that have little or no animal products in it. I use Aveda shampoo and conditioner. And, after the shower, there is the lathering on of body creams. I have tried many creams. Larry periodically buys me Christian Dior scented lotions, but they cost a small fortune. I sometimes buy unscented Aveda lotion and add oils to it. But the BEST (and I have tested a lot), are Lorna's homemade lotions (and soaps, and shampoos etc.) At nearing 50, my skin is thirsty for a very rich moisturizer for both my face and body. I have used her face cream, and all of her body creams. Each one is more decadent than the next: the Classic with lavendar, tangerine, patchouli and rosewood, the Gardenia cream, and the Lavendar and Sandlewood Cream. I have been going to our local farmer's market where I had been buying her products for the past few years. Th

A Sky for the 4th

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I am not at Mohonk as it rained all day. Not conducive to swimming in the lake, hiking, or watching the fireworks. My friends are going to the spa, but even then all they could book was a reflexology session. And, like Bardet said: "at least having my feet touched is better than not being touched at all!" I unpacked, worked in the studio and on the computer most of the day. I received several few phone calls from people who were in rotten moods or upset. There are some serious family issues going on, but I refuse to let them mire me down or make me nuts. I have learned to disengage, to distance myself emotionally while still caring for them in my heart. It is a bit tricky to pull off, but I get better at it as I get wiser. I worked on a new painting - part of my sky series, and on an order. It was such a day for work as it was too wet to garden and have any outdoor adventures. That is fine as I am still tired from cruising around NYC. This is an altered photograph of the clou

The Long Way Home.....

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Am heading home on the bus as I type. I figured it was a good use of my time to compose my blogs while I am sitting on a bus for two hours.. I have been enjoying my laptop and slowly figuring out the changes made in Windows as well as the individuality of this laptop. As I write on the bus however, the jiggling and bumping makes it hard to type, I keep losing my cursor, and opening windows I don’t mean to. Twenty five years ago I swore I would never be tied to a computer. My ex was an IBMer who spent hours on our computer at home. We had a horrid divorce, and for a long time I abhorred anything that reminded me of him, and that included COMPUTERS. It was not long after we split that I needed a job, and landed one as a medical claims examiner for Met Life. Those were the days of DOS and monstrous computers and screens with neon green text. After that temp job ended, I secured a job coding and billing for three surgeons, and was introduced to a much more modern system and had to

It's all Divine

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The weather has been PERFECT. T-shirt weather, and I carry a jacket. 70's. No humidity. Crystal clear. Beautiful sunsets. Fabulous architecture, art, food, people. I was so over-stimulated yesterday at one point I felt dizzy with the intensity of it all. And that was BEFORE I had that great gin and ginger drink in one of MOMA's fancy cafes. People have been so friendly. Of course, the three of us are giddy, delightful women to boot, but we have seen none of that New York attitude.Not on this trip. From doormen to security guards and the local police (who I kindly had to ask where the neighborhood liquor store was...)we have been greeting with kindness and humor. Guess putting it out there really IS infectious! We went to St. John the Divine. What a fabulous church. It is still recovering from the '01 fire, and I snuck open a door to get the middle picture. We hope to get to the Buddhist temple here on Riverside Drive today to check out that center of spirituality. If I live

Art in the City

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I am on someone else's computer. The laptop does not have a decent photo editing program on it, so I am struggling with editing the pictures I took, but was able to manage at least a few. (the Guggenheim, and the evening light in the apartment and a sunset shot out of one of the windows) I had written an entire blog on it too, but it won't transfer from my flash drive to this computer, so I give up, especially after running on 3+ hours of sleep all day. Dylan rocked, the walk in the pouring cold rain and the 4 hour ride back home didn't. But the weather today on the upper west side did, as well as the visit to the Guggenheim and the sketching Annie and I did while dining out at a sidewalk cafe. Tomorrow another visit to Tom's Diner, of Seinfeld fame, then a walk to St. John the Divine's, a beautiful architectural gift to the city. I hope to be able to figure this computer thing out. I can't get wireless Internet as everyone here in this building has it blocked (