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Showing posts from April, 2007

Another Journey

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Tomorrow after school I am getting into my car and heading south. I have spent the evening packing, getting orders together to go out, and I doubt that I will have time to do my lesson plans tonight. That will have to be squeezed in during the day tomorrow. Another day of 10,000 things. But after that I am heading to help my sister with her 12 and 2 year old as she is having baby Alexander, who will probably be her last child as she is 41. I am excited about being with the girls, and of being somewhere else. Though I will have responsibilities there, I am leaving all the ones I have here behind. Too much has gone one, too much stress the past several weeks since I have returned from California. It is time to go away again and embark on another journey. I am lucky that I can rapidly discharge my stress when I leave my home. I wish I could find peace there, but I have not figured that out yet. I have solved my car music problem as I returned the transmitter for the IPOD (dont&#

In Memoriam

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I knew Beppo was going to die. She came to me in a dream the night before to say good bye. I know some of you are thinking the I am weird, but I believe in dreams and apparitions. I had a vision of my father dying before he was diagnosed with terminal cancer at a very young age, I have seen the future in brief but brilliant flashes. I have been preparing for this the past 24 hours, and when the phone rang I knew it was about her. Many of you have suffered the loss of a family pet. They are like small children, who love us unconditionally and ask for so little and give so much. It is not only the loss of a dear pet, but the memories that come with out pets. When and how we got them, why we got them, the travels, the funny times; it is both the loss of the companionship, and the poignance of memory and the past that we mourn. Beppo signified times of great struggle, times of great joy, and times of sadness, that were connected with this overweight, sometimes obnoxious, but ever lo

Techno Adventures

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I fill my days solid with all that I have to do, all those ten thousand things. I hope that the universe grants me nine lives in order to get them done. I did so much that again I ran out of steam to write last night (also being harassed by my hormones is not helping things either), but I have my coffee in hand, and am recharged for the next 15 hours. I mentioned in a previous blog that I have been into electronics these days. I really want to keep in step with the pop culture and their ease of use of all kinds of technology. Though I STILL WON'T turn on my cell phone when I go out unless I want you to find me, I am slowly becoming plugged into the electronic world. I got my fabulous phone and hands free headset which will allow me to talk to you while I am working on my house or in my studio. I have avoided calling some of you because there is simply very little time to sit and talk. Being a type A personae, I find it very DIFFICULT to sit, so now I can work and talk. I also

Saturday Morning Groan

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I was too fried to write last night. Some days I just don't have one bit of energy left to think. I have been busy preparing for a workshop to deliver to art teachers on Monday. The workshop person they had backed out, and here was an opportunity dropped right into my lap to share my expertise on digital photography, Photoshop, and how to incorporate it into the classroom art curriculum. I have a few lessons that I have developed over the years that are amazing. I am delighted to share with others, and in fact, need to start writing them down and submitting them to Art Education journals before someone else does. (the story of my life in designing) I have been asked to write a few articles for various web sites and been forwarded a request for a submission for an anthology. Though I still am insecure as to my writing abilities (insecurity is unfortunately part of my secret ancient past) I won't get published if I don't submit. And I have been somewhat successful in my art e

The Beppo Story

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I had just split up with the man who I was going to marry. I had invested six years with him, and I have to say, many of them were fun, full of great dinners, travel, and he was good to my young children. But one day he realized he was not in love with me any more, and it ended. In the blink of an eye, in the beat or lack of a beat of the heart. I took my dignity and my love, packed them in with the rest of my belongings, and once again I left my home with kids in tow, and Chessie my calico cat, howling in the front seat of the U-Haul, wrapped around my neck. I picked up the remains of my life and started all over again. My children did not understand the affairs of the heart and had a really rough time. While selling my cards at the local artsy flea market,(where I got a start to the businesses I now run) I saw a litter of kittens that someone was giving away. I chose the most friendly one for Megan as she was having a horrid time of it all. We named her Beppo, after a monkey w

The Far Off World

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I am only going to drop a quick bomb here and leave, as I sacrificed my evening and blog time tonight to watch the Bill Moyers special on PBS about the lies the Government fed us on the War on Iraq and how the press facilitated the war and it's support of it. I hope many people watched it, as for me, it was just "preaching to the choir". And, unfortunately, because I was exhausted from going non-stop from 6 am till 9 pm, I fell asleep about a half hour into it. What I woke up to was a French reporter (was he a reporter- I am not sure but that is inconsequential as to what he was) who went into the Sudan, describing the horrors of genocide in the country and how the world is turning a blind eye to it. I did a bit of research and discovered that many states, universities and retirement systems have investments in countries "that do major business in the African nation of Sudan" Hawaii was making a move that was socially responsible by forbidding such investments.

Back on Ebay

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I have not listed on eBay in ages. It takes a lot of time, and I have had precious little of it. But I have this very cool lot of antique Hawaii photographs and real photo postcards, and I am enjoying doing the research in order to describe them as best as possible, and learning along the way. This is a detail of a photo of a James Armstrong (on the left) in Oahu, Hawaii, in 1919. He owned hundreds of acres of rice fields. He is shown here standing in a cactus patch. Cactus were raised as fodder for cattle! He has some wild looking hair. My eBay link is to the right if you want to see the other photos and cards I have listed. For future listings I have a photo of Edward, the Prince of Wales which is WAY COOL..as well as erupting volcanos, funerals, skulls and more. I need to get my customer base back as the summer is coming and I will be doing the "hussle". I was not in the greatest of moods today....I slept very little last night, woke up with a headache, had to deal w

There are no medals in this lifetime.....

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I had a crazy busy day today doing budgets, phone calls for photo equipment, some digital work for school, as well as writing up awards for the kids recognition ceremony today, most of which while teaching 7 periods of art. To top it off, we had an end of the day meeting. I had a doc appointment as the school nurse did not like the look of the toe nail on the toe that had been infected. Lynn looks at my foot and sure enough, I probably need surgery. I insisted on valium if that is the case as NO f$#%#^ doctor is coming near me with a knife ever again unless I am stupified and don't care. I know I have to deal with this..infection can be deadly with metal plates and screws only a few inches away from the site. My doctor knows the stress I am going through, and she told me that when I cried in her office last month (the first time in 20+ years and I have had some tough shit go down over the past 25 years...) that it upset her very much. She said out of all the women she has ever

To Till the Earth

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This past weekend Larry and I worked hard to start our yard clean up. I only have 1/10 of an acre or so, a city lot, but it is filled with many gardens and lots of plants and shrubs that have to be raked, and trimmed or pruned. I have two herb and veggie gardens, fenced in to keep out the deer, that needed major work. I weeded and turned over the smaller one, and planted my bed of violas and pansies, along with putting in my peas and spinach. Larry had a major problem with the larger garden, as he has planted peppermint and spearmint in it, and in a short few years, it had taken over 1/3 of the garden. He did clean a major amount of it up, and we rid the rest of the garden from the carcasses of last year's tomato plants and the various varieties of pernicious weeds that love to live in my garden such as spurge, purslaine, and one other that I cannot find in my weed book. BUT it is ready to turn over, and I will be putting in my mesclun and various lettuces in the next week. Thi

My Secret Place

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My dear cousin who reads my blog from time to time may know this secret place. It is a place where we played as children, in a time of innocence, in a time when we did not know or understand the journeys and imperfections of our parents. There was no cause and effect, and the dark things were buried safely within our psyche....all that existed was joy in the most simple of things. It is that joy that I revist from time to time, and I think of Joni Mitchell's song My Secret Place. Here, in a bit a creative writing, is a glimpse of my secret place.... In my world of fantasy, a world of unbridled passions and kisses that last a lifetime, I have a special place. It is a place that is tucked in between cool dark pines, where you breathe deeply and are transported to a time of agelessness and beauty. In a tiny field of sunshine and wildflowers rests my cottage, my refuge from the world and a place where only the sweetest of dreams come true. This little cottage painted the bri

Twin & Earth Day

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Though Earth day is two days away and is on a sunday, I decided to sport my earth day t-shirt during our annual twin day at school with my friend Leah. My friend Lois has an Aveda salon in Rhinebeck and the company sent her these t-shirt for earth day awareness. She gave me a few, and thus the outfit for twin day was born. Leah and I LOVE when we have an excuse to wear our leather pants and cowboy boots (its fun to be biker chics for a day) and I dug out my studded belt. The kids were fascinated that we had worn t-shirts, and many wanted to know the message. Instead of the typical satirical potty humor that the kids often sport, ours carried a message: " Every 15 seconds a child dies from a lack of access to clean water". It prompted many conversations and I was glad that we got the kids to think of something other than themselves. "One small change at a time" I tell myself. We made the day fun, and as the school photographer I took lots of picture this week

April Showers bring Morels and Ramps in May

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It was a day of wonderful energy from kids and from friends, and was comforting and inspiring. After meeting Rob in New Paltz for a light bite, a coffee from Starbucks, and a stroll along Main Street on a sunny spring day, I headed home. The sun was low in the sky, shooting beautiful rays into the clouds. I wanted to stop and take photos, but I had left the camera in school. On my ride home the fields from the Wallkill River looked like huge lakes, and the road I traveled on had only recently been opened again. It was surreal. I hope that it will get nice and warm and the moisture will make for a good morel season (maybe this year my ankle will be strong enough to go with my friend for a few hunts). Oh, and wild ramps. They make a wonderful substitute for leaks in a creme of potato leak soup. I find the hunt for both exhilarating, especially when it is really warm and we take her little Miata and ride with the top down, the warm air rushing through our hair. We almost always

A Patch of Blue

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I was driving Alanna back home from pre-school today as Megan was too sick to get her. I did not mind, I had some time to spare before my chiropractor appointment. I kept to the main routes, and only traveled on the back roads that I knew were free of water. I passed by many corn fields submerged still under flood waters, and taught Alanna a new word as we drove by the fields. FLOOD. She looked out the car window and promptly said MUD. As I was driving along, a patch of blue shone through the greyness that has been literally and figuratively in my life for a LONG time. It was a crisp, clear, beautiful blue, especially brilliant against the somber grey clouds. I smiled. As I drove along I had many things on my mind, but I was feeling especially grateful for the special people in my life - those who have loved or accepted me unconditionally and whose non judgemental manners have let me be who I am. There is no greater gift to give to a person. At one point in my drive I became

Still Flooded

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We had a two hour delay at school this morning due to many of the area roads still being flooded. Some of the roads I traveled on at 9:30 am had recently been opened back up as the tide was out and some of the tidal flooding from the Hudson and feeding creeks had subsided. Two schools were still closed today and flooding is still anticipated tomorrow. I must be thankful that only my studio took on water, as many had to have their basements pumped out by the fire department. My entire evening was consumed by Alanna. She did not have a nap today, which trashed the evening as she was cantankerous, whiney, then got a second wind so that she would not go to sleep. Finally about 11 PM, I just left her, put the gate up, and said good night. Tomorrow morning she won't be able to wake up without having a nervous breakdown, and at lunch time will fall asleep in her food at daycare. SIGH. All because she did not or would not nap.(PS I know how I get when I am tired...it is no fun!!) Me

Wake of the Flood

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I remember having that Grateful Dead album, Wake of the Flood. I also remember the asshold soccer player that I was "dating" who stole that from me as well as all of my King Crimson records. He left a bad taste in my mouth for jocks, him and his taped up ankle. All the area schools were closed today from all the localized flooding, except for MY school. I did get out early, had some time to do some things I needed to do, then I came home and crashed for a while. I have not been sleeping well, but that has become a cycle in my life these days. I have come to accept it and try and grab a nap whenever I can. I even refused to answer the telephone when it rung TWICE. Afterwards I went out to the studio and tried to clean up the mud residue, and the puddles of water that were still on sections of the floor. Each time it floods I have to rearrange things, and rethink what to keep and how to store it. Forces me to Feng Shui it! In spite of the cleaning I did manage to finish

Electronics and Organization

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The weather in the northeast since last evening has not been conducive to doing much more than catch up on bills, letters, phone calls, and, my biggest challenge that I have been working on: organization. My computer room is a mess; items to sell on ebay, shipping materials, artwork, bits and pieces of things that go into artwork. I found some things that made me stop and ponder, and think about my past. Unearthing some of the things that I did made me sad at times, wistful others, and sometimes I would find something that would make a big grin break out on my face. Then there was the electronic “stuff”. I started to gather all my electronic and related items together in one spot. Corners of my house hide A/C adaptors of all sizes, headphones, jacks, and some things that I don’t recognize, not even vaguely. I had to do a surface sweep as the studio was calling to me, then in the middle of working, water started pouring into my studio from all the heavy rain we are having. I sp

Urges and Technology

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I had just one more thing to add to my previous posts about urges, as another email slid in through the wires when I opened up this morning's mail. A very close friend of mine wrote: "In ancient times couples rarely lasted this long, either women died in childbirth and men got a younger wife, or the man died hunting or battle. Maybe just going off for long hunts helped matters. A few months alone would probably do the trick, while he is wandering in the woods with the other guys. It would probably do everyone a little good." Touche! But wait, my husband doesn't hunt! OH NO! How about a photography expedition with the boys! Or, a painting expedition for me! Karen happens to be one of those friends who keeps me going and lifts my spirits. So the key for now is sublimation sublimation sublimation. Art, shopping, friends, walks, and trying to make things better. Being positive. And buying electronic things. I decicided when on vacation, that I need things that

She Carried a Broom

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I just got in..it is near midnight. I came home from a long frustrating day at school, and attempted to take a nap. I don't know if it was that I was overtired, or the caffeine that I had during the day kept me wired, but I did not sleep much, and just sunk into my soft mattress and tried not to think. HA-right?)My entire body ached from being on my feet and lack of sleep. I laid in bed and tried focusing on one thought and image, and was amazed at how my brain would jettison to another thought, and another, till I was in some intense scenario in my head, and I would nod out for a brief while, and then start the process all over again. Sometimes I wonder if my brain is normal, or if it has more than the average synapses and firings, because it sure is constantly active, to the point where I get annoyed and have to make it stop. I wish I could hook my brain up to a machine of some sort and make money from it. It works way too hard and is way too creative for the salary I am get

Urges Part II

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It is late, I am way beyond tired. I slept maybe 5 hours last night, and I looked ragged today from it. There are never enough hours in the day for me, and I am wide awake each morning at 5-5:30 am, well before the alarm goes off. So tonight is a quickie. I need to finish up some new art this weekend for both myself and the blog. Tonight's photo was taken while driving from the car at the sunset while heading back over the Hudson. I got a few responses from people about last night's blog, and I think I touched a few of those raw spots in women's lives. I don't know about men, since they usually don't respond and I suspect there are more women than men reading this, but several posted to the blog and emailed me privately about their urge to live alone. I have also spoken to several women friends of mine who were both wives and mothers for a good part of their lives, and who are divorced (some more than once)and are over 50 and now live alone. I asked them if

The Urge for Going

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One afternoon while Bardet and I were sitting outside eating lunch (was it in San Anselmo??) I had an AH HA moment about my life. In a brilliant flash of light I realized that I have never lived alone. I have lived on my own since I was 19, but I have NEVER been alone. I left my parent's home at 19 and never went back, and lived with roommates in shared housing for a few years, then moved in with my first husband, and years later when I left him, I had two babies in tow. I lived on my own as a single parent for the next 6 or 7 years, had two very brief live-in encouters with the same man, after which we split up. Time passed, I met my second husband. For 18 years I have been the primary caregiver of my children and the primary support both mentally and financially. I worked hard to survive, finished two college degrees, and was the best mother I could be to two challenging children. My children have left the nest for now, but life had not given neither them nor I a break. L

The $2,000.00 Store

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Before I get into my story, I want you to check out the incredible house boat that I photographed. The gentleman in the photograph is the inhabitant. It reminds me of Olana, home of Frederick Church of the Hudson River School fame, where I got married on the equinox at sunset, ten years ago. (by Bardet who is an interfaith minister) I love Middle Eastern architecture. Perhaps it is because it reminds me of fairy tales and stories from my childhood that involved Sinbad, flying carpets, and wonderful Victorian illustrations that amused and scared me. I would have loved to have seen the interior; that is for the next trip. Imagine being surrounded by thousands of sailboats, moored at the end of a dock, gently rocking, with a view of San Francisco, Alcatraz, Angel Island, and the Bay Bridge. I would like to experience living on a house boat like that. I am not sure how long I would last, confined in a dark and constantly moving place, but it is enticing, especially in good weather.

The Buddha is Back

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When I left on monday there was still snow around the Buddha. In fact, it was only two weeks before that he was completely buried under mounds of snow. He is about 18" and is so heavy that I cannot move him without help. I thought I would never see him again, lost in a field of snow. The ice is gone on the Hudson and the creek. It was my measure of time this winter, so my new measure became watching the snow melt around the Buddha. I was overjoyed when I saw the top of his head, and the next day his neck....Today was the first day in several months that I have gone to visit him and see how he fared through the winter. This buddha is very special; I bought him for Larry for Father's day years ago, and hauled rocks and built a little stone wall niche behind him. Nearby are the oriental grasses, which Larry just cut down in preparation for spring. I will miss their golden dried plumes, which rustled in the frigid winter breezes outside my studio door. In another month he wi

Easter Day Musing

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This trip saved my sanity. I don’t know why I let myself get to the point of almost no return before I do something to help myself. Perhaps it is old habits; it is what I have always done. I never go over the edge, but stick out my foot and test the waters, and waver in a twilight zone of sadness and struggle. Perhaps it is biochemical ; I suspect it is a combination of both. During my trip I read Discovery’s latest magazine. Fascinating information about the latest research on development, disease, and functioning of the brain. I was especially interested in Kate Jamison-Redfield’s article on manic depression. She wrote the intense and informative book “An Unquiet Mind” and a book on Manic Depression and the artistic temperament. Whatever the cause, I have come back in a calm state. I feel like I can deal with the issues in my life in a rational manner, and I have learned things about myself that enlightened me and I have gained strength in order to grow and to change.

American Airline Rant

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I am exhausted. In fact, I just got up from a four hour nap. I intended to go to the art openings, but by 7 PM I just crashed. I managed to get a lot of chores done as I am cooking breakfast tomorrow morning and then doing an egg hunt and needed to pick up some things, but the evening was lost. I guess jet lag and going to bed at 2 AM killed me! I have flown American twice in my life. I had a credit card with AA Miles (mostly from graduate school) and had earned enough miles to go to Santa Barbara. That was about 15 years ago, and you made a phone call, the agents found you the best flight, booked you, and that was it. There may have been a small fee, but I don't remember paying any money. On our trip back our flight was cancelled and we never received a phone call. Needless to say, we were pissed and they put us in first class the next flight home. I have been trying to book tickets using my miles for 2 years now. There are seats for 25,000 miles, but there are never any to

A Quickie

I just got in, hours after I was supposed to land, so I have no energy, am EXHAUSTED from traveling since 3 am eastern time (it is it is 1 AM now) , and though I have TONS of notes and ideas that I wrote in the airport, and the airport restaurants, looking at the bay etc., I cannot bring myself to share them. Some will make you chuckle. ALso, the batteries died in the camera again on the ferry to Sausalito so therefore no pics for tonight, but I have a few drawings to finish and watercolor up this weekend so that will be fun to post. See you around tomorrow, xxxpatti

Last Day

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It is near midnight and I am exhausted, still have to pack, and then get some sleep. I am not too worried as if I am tired enough, I will sleep on the plane-I hope. It was a full day. A leisurly morning where I worked with Bardet on her computer. I never think of myself as a computer wiz..but I guess it is all relative and I know a lot more than I perceive myself to know. We did a bit of browsing in Sausalito, then took the ferry to San Francisco, where we browsed the Ferry building, had the MOST incredible meal in a restaurant which was tre chic, and then took the trolly/electric train up to 4th street or so to shop. Anthropologie, Forever 21, and other shops. It was fun, and the day was perfecto. We came back, and then headed back to Mill Valley for a late evening massage. How much better does it get. I have had some intense thoughts, discoveries, and changes that need to happen in my life, but I will save that for another evening. I have had a wonderful time and feel at peac

The Headlands.........

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Bardet and I discovered a new past time: to drive down to the Rodeo Beach parking lot, where we sit and watch the sun set over the Marin Headlands, and watch the surfers strip off their tight black skins, dry themselves off and slowly put on their clothes. We just sat there, mesmerized by glowing streaks, changing colors, and hard lithe bodies nearly naked in the dark. We romanticized it all of course, not paying to the attention to the fact they were blowing their noses into their hands, the gravel, their towels, spitting all over the place and probably doing other things that would absolutely disgust us. But watching v-e-r-y athletic 25-35 year old men strip is novel, and they seemed to be clueless to the show they were putting on and the audience they had. We had a mellow day, tripping through the small towns of San Anselmo, San Rafael, and driving down Shady Lane in Larkspur checking out the million dollar plus homes. We went to the Marin Headlands, where I sketched and pho

Dawn over Angel Island

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Last night we went into Sausalito to Tommy Wok’s for dinner. We had fabulous spiced beans and salmon, and veggies in a light garlic sauce. I had a cosmo to usher in my vacation (on the plane I had a Bloody Mary, hoping to get a little sleepy for the long trip, but it did not work). I was too tired to walk to do much more, and I crashed after blogging. I awoke this morning to the trill of the first bird to break the silence of the evening, and for the first time in a long time, I watched the sun rise. It rose over Angel Island, shooting gold against the pale blue sky through a few stray clouds. The Coast Guard boat was still docked not far from the balcony, guarding the harbor. Lights slowly pierced the early morning like little beacons dotting the houses on the hillside. San Francisco lay under a soft lavender pink haze. Of course the batteries in my camera died; so I only got a photo or two of that splendid sight. So, the first stop this morning will be coffee and batteries. .

On the Bay

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1976. Took a year off after high school to work and get my life together so that I could start college. I went to San Francisco, Los Angles, and Phoenix with my aunt on a road trip where I stayed at the infamous Clift Hotel, lounged and star-watched at the Beverly Hills Hotel, and shopped at Goldwater's. It was on the ferry to Sauselito that I met a young man and had one of my first formal dates. It was one of the most memorable nights....riding up and down the hills of San Francisco in a vintage red covertable, drinking at the Top of the Mark, dining at Chen's, and breathtaking views of the bay at night. Then in the 1980's I went with an ex boyfriend, and again I returned to the Top of the Mark for a drink. If I am in the neighborhood I will surely check it out another time-if only just to smile at the days of my youth. The flight here was unremarkable save for the fact that the airlines called me at 2 AM to tell me that my departing flight was delayed 2 hours and the

Nano Nano

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I have just joined the Nano generation. I broke down and bought an IPOD Nano at Sam’s Club for my trip, and for other times I need portable music that just slips in with my digital camera in my bag. Technology never ceases to amaze me. Thankfully Megan came over and helped me transfer all of my music files from Jukebox to I-tunes, charge the Nano, and get the music I wanted onto it. I had a crash course, and I think I’ve got it! I fit an amazing amount of music on it; from Yoga to Classical and Funk, I have it all. Now I can see my new obsession will be downloading music to my computer and uploading them onto I-tunes, and making play lists!!! Music is a very integral part of my life, and all I need to figure out is how to play my I-pod through my car until I get the CD player fixed!!! I took another ride up to Woodstock to Pegasus shoes, where I found two pairs of shoes that were comfortable and that I could wear. My toe is KILLING me, so it was of utmost importance that I