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Showing posts from September, 2007

Blogging in Bed

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One of the best things that I did for myself this summer was to buy a laptop, install a router, and be able to do things like blog in bed. I sit here with my bedroom window open as it is warm out on this early fall morning, listening to the neighborhood dogs barking, the whistle on the train sighing in the background. The streets outside are quiet for the most part, with an occasional car zooming by. The early autumn sun is not strong enough to light up my room, so I must light it with my reading lamp, and a cup of tepid coffee sits on my night table. I sit here and think..how glorious this moment is. I just read a comment from someone on one of my blogs. I don't' know if it is the reader I had some banter with over a local eatery, or if it is someone else. This person was not anonymous however, and though he commented that he often has different opinions than I (good thing John..how boring it would be if we all thought the same!) but he also said that he enjoyed my blog and th

Off to Visit Family

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Am falling a bit behind on my blogging these days. Just too much to do. But at least I still have stories to tell, and they will have to wait. Off to New Jersey to atttend my cousin's daughter's 21st birthday party. I am photographing the party; it will be my third party that I have photographed in the past few months. I don't charge for it as it is my gift, and I do enjoy doing it, especially with young people who are full of life and fun. And, maybe someday, I will get some business and make some money with it! Today's photo is not one of my family, but I have adopted them for the day. I will probably sell it on etsy, where you too can adopt a family or person and give them a new life. Sometime I will post some of my art pieces using these photos. Usually humorous and surreal, and I have fun making new out of old. However, now I must run.....till later, Patti

The Gorey House

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In today's Catskill Paper blog, I wrote a brief blurb on a visit to the Edward Gorey House. Those of you who appreciated humor, oddity, and being slightly eccentric and twisted, this house-turned-museum is for you. It is a beautiful old Mansard roof Victorian, which he named The Elephant, due to the texture of the paint on the old house. He collected many kinds of figures and objects, and was an admirer of elephants as well as cats, frogs, balls, etc. The photo is of a room in the house with his actual couch marred by the claws of his many cats, and on it is seated a life sized stuffed animal bear from FAO Schwartz which lived on the front porch I believe. Gorey was the artist behind the PBS's Mystery Theater, designed the stage set for Dracula, amongst being the writer and illustrator of many books, posters etc. In Yarmouthport, right off 6A on Strawberry Lane you can find this most intersting museum and gift shop. I used the bathroom there before I left, and as I looked aroun

Sail Away......

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I was with a good friend this afternoon and got hot, wet, screamed, and it lasted three hours. THREE HOURS. Such is sailing on the Hudson on an early fall day with the temps near 90, and a brisk warm velvet breeze that caresses one like a velvet glove. Ed let me do most of the steering while he worked the sails on his 30’ boat. I think it was the best wind I have sailed in yet, and I whopped with delight and with a bit of concern when the boat listed a bit too far. I got it up to 7.2 knots, which is the fastest I have sailed thus far. There was little traffic on the river, and I don’t think that it could have been much better conditions to sail in. The sunset was beautiful, and the views spectacular, the breeze constant, the company excellent. I have worked with Ed for 16 years now, and have become the dearest of friends. We have laughed and cried, and since he is an avid sailor, I have gone on many a sail with him over the years. Each year I learn something new, and am now a participa

Those Lovely Bones

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On my way to therapy, I was half listening to my iPod which was playing through the stereo in my car. A Joni song came on, “Slouching Towards Bethlehem” which is based upon a poem by Irish poet W.B. Yeats. One of his poems, The Lake Isle of Inisfree, was inspiration for an art lesson. Once I knew this poem by heart…… “I will arise and go now, and go to Innisfree, And a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made: Nine bean-rows will I have there, a hive for the honey-bee, And live alone in the bee-loud glade. And I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dropping slow, Dropping from the veils of the morning to where the cricket sings; There midnight's all a glimmer, and noon a purple glow, And evening full of the linnet's wings. I will arise and go now, for always night and day I hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore; While I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements gray, I hear it in the deep heart's core.” And I will find peace there. I wil

What to Say

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I am sitting here with three great blogs to write, but Larry holds the key to each one of them. Either the photos are on his camera, or he has the card with the info on it. He is not home tonight, so I am stuck. And I am really stuck. I have nothing to say. Amazing, eh? So being blocked at the moment (only for the moment) I think I am going off to list some things on Etsy and eBay. And burn a CD for one of my students. Till tomorrow, Patti O Silence Corporation Beach, Dennis, MA. Watercolor

I'm Baaaack

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Tonight's sunset lasted a long long time it seemed. Miles - a bunch of songs on my iPod. It was beautiful, and looked like someone was painting the sky with a huge calligraphy brush. Oranges, violets, blues. The perfect ending to what turned out to be a lovely weekend. Time with good friends. Visits to a most lovely Stationery store in Wellfleet; a visit to the Edward Gorey Museum in Yarmouthport. And, of course, art and photos, some of which I will talk more about on my art blog. Three different beaches in three days. Corn chowder, lobster rolls. Walks during low tide. Movies (one of which was Little Children. Wow---) Reading, thinking, absorbing the sun into every pore I could expose. But I am tired and need to sleep. I work hard and I play hard, and tomorrow is a work hard monday. The travelogue will have to start tomrorow! Till then, Patti O

Road Trip

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Road Trip My hormones made it a challenging five hour ride at best. I sat for most of the time in silence, thinking about life, and reading a really fun book called Fingersmith by Sarah Waters. It is a “neo-Victorian book” written in a style perhaps like Dickens. It takes place in England during the 1800’s and is full of intrigue, lust, twists and turns. I have taken to carrying it around with me and reading it at any chance I have. It is some 600 pages, but I am nearly half way through it and I have only started it a few days ago. My brother in law bought it for me for Christmas last year. What a perfect choice and I really love getting a gift that someone has so carefully picked out. I spent the five hour trip to the Cape in silence (it was so much safer for both Larry and I that I not speak as I feel possessed by devils) I thought about the road trips I took as a child. My brother and I would look out the back window and wave to all the truck drivers, thrilled when they

Mars in the Morning

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6 am the phone rings. It think who the heck is this at this time in the morning. Even my Aunt does not call this early. I am too fuzzy to even think it might be an emergency. I don't know what to think. The little voice on the other end was Bardet telling us to look at Mars in the eastern sky before the sun rose. I am one who is big on stargazing and viewing astronomical phenomena that only happen once every gazillion years, so I dragged my tired sorry ass out of bed (the cat threw up again at 4 am so I was awake for a good hour after that)slid on some clothes warm enough for a cool morning, grabbed the camera and went outside. Surprisingly Larry followed suit. There, in the eastern sky, was Mars, shining bright as dawn was beginning to color the morning sky. I still don't have a tripod, and I was too sleepy to think about finding something steady to lean on, but here it is, untouched by photoshop. Try again tomorrow morning, about 5:45-6AM if you are on the east coast. It'

Pandora's Box

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I came home angry. I do not like feeling this way, but as I have previously mentioned, it is part of the healing process. I have spent much of my life blocking emotion behind a lead wall….so even feeling anger gives me hope. The problem is, too much of any one thing leads to a pattern in the brain, and it takes hard work to change the pathways and responses that no longer serve us. I am in what might possibly be the most difficult time in my life- facing my demons. I have stuffed them way down into the bottom of my baggage, buried way below disappointment, illness, pain and loss. The catalyst in the desire to face my past came after finding out my daughter had cancer last November. Twenty three years old, with a three year old daughter. I faced our collective mortality, feeling the deepest pain from watching her suffer. Since the survival rates of this cancer are a 50% chance of living 5 years, things had to change-and fast.. Our relationship was wrought with pain; only t

Photography Obsession

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Today was a particularly difficult session. ACOA is bringing up a very painful past and pointing out faults and behaviors which no longer work for me. I am angry, and it is necessary to feel it and process it before I can pass into the next level of healing and spirituality. Nasty family secrets uncovered. More questions, more to process. On the way home I stopped by a field which I have passed over the past year as I travel to and fro to therapy. The field with the unknown mountain which is always present, and changes with the season and the light. It has become an anchor, a symbol of healing. Today I found a safe place to pull off and photograph it, even though it was in bright light. The tractor sits idle from its most recent circles around the fields. The sun is lazy and warm, the sky a brilliant blue, the mountain showing off atmospheric perspective at its best. I have become obsessed with photographing the landscape, my life. Grasping at moments of beauty and memory.

My Best Friend

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I still felt a bit of "gloom and doom" over my head after I left school. In my heart I knew that the sun was shining, it was a wonderful afternoon, and as I crossed the bridge over the Hudson I felt guilty for feeling so morose. I worked hard on turning it around, after all, I was going to visit Lois and catch a movie. There is nothing like laughter and a feel good movie to make me smile and forget my misery. We saw the French movie My Best Friend at Upstate, and it was delightful. Story: antique dealer (and do I know a few of those being an ephemera dealer myself) realizes he is despised by all. A bet is made that he has no friends, and the next hour and a half consists of his journey trying to find a friend, and learn what makes a person desirable as a friend. He gets his lessons from a gregarious taxi driver, and what happens I won't divulge, but there are poignant scenes as well as lots of double edged humor. The end is delightful, hopeful, and warmed me all over

Art is my Savior

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Not good. Headache now going on the second day. I am cranky, tired, slept poorly and my head feels like it is stuffed with pillow fluff dipped in hot pepper sauce. I think the ragweed is getting to me. I did not come out of my funk till I got home around 4 and worked on my orders, and primed and painted a frame for a piece I think I will call Magritte's Cantalopes. It will hang in my kitchen as it goes PERFECTLY with my walls. I did not plan on it that way, as I don't make art to "match things" but it works so well that is deserves to be framed. I also worked on the piece which I posted on the blog.The light was at an angle so color and intensity are incorrect but I am NOT going back out there to re-shoot. You get the idea. I feel much better after spending time in the studio and I am sure on some level Larry was glad to get rid of me. I was really a pain in my own ass. Hopefully tomorrow will bring a better day! patti

American Symphony Evening

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Last night we were graced at the last minute with a pair of tickets to see Leon Bottstein, the president of Bard college, conduct the American Symphony. We had two minutes to decide if we could go, five minutes to get ready, and 10 minutes to get to the other side of town where our friends were waiting in their Lincoln Town Car to drive us there. Of course we went. The evening was amazing. Brahms, Dvorak, Ibert and Saint-Saens. Stunning piano by Taiwanese pianist Shun-Yang Lee whose entire body echoed the Saint-Seans "Egyptian Concerto". Afterwards great conversation and snacks in Rhinebeck at Terrapin's Bistro. I sat absorbed in the music, the musicians and conductor. Beautiful evening, enchanting in all ways. Only problem was I got home at 2 am, the cat threw up on the bed about 4 or 5 and I had a really hard time falling back to sleep after that one. Headache and allergies all day, and my hormones are a tropical storm gathering strength for the onslaught. But I managed

In the "Plein Air"

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It was another lovely late summer day. One more week and fall will arrive. Rob called me and asked what I was doing. I had enough of cleaning and doing work, so I said..LET'S GO PAINTING. We packed up his van with our easels, chairs, paints, and I made a quick lunch. We drove not far from my house to Hurley, home of large farms. We stopped at Gill's Farm stand, which I have been going to for 20+ years. I knocked on the farm house door, and we introduced ourselves to Mrs. Gill. She was very gracious in allowing us to drive the van into the fields to park and paint. She also warned us where we should not go as that family is not keen on anyone being on their land. We found a good location and painted for a few hours. Rob and I go back 30 years to when we were both in the same painting classes in college. He had just lost his mother, and I my father. There have been long periods of time where we have lost track of one another, but have somehow found each other over the years. Ro

The Morning After the Night Before

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They have arrived safely in Kentucky. Megan, Alanna, and Dole left my house around 12:30 am yesterday and headed south. I promised I would call in between classes to see where they were and how they were doing. Last phone call they had arrived at Scott's house, who is Alanna's father. They are staying there, which I find really weird, especially since he is her ex-lover, she is meeting his wife, and now her new husband is being thrown into the mix of it all. Alanna is meeting her father for either the first or second time. It is all too mind boggling for me, but it is her life, not mine. My girlfriends took me out last night to the movies to see Two Days in Paris. It was a fun, light film with some good laughs, which I needed. Afterwards a drink at Terrapin in Rhinebeck. Today I have off. It is a beautiful day, and I just spoke to my friend Rob. We are going out to paint plein air for a few hours, and I am looking forward to that. I will pack some food and drinks and bask in th

The Depths of Sorrow=the Heights of Great Love

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Out of the depths of great sorrow rise mountains of great love. It was difficult to teach all day after a night of intense emotions. I felt raw, unraveled, on the edge. Dreams have been difficult to come by these days as my sleep has been interrupted and light at best. As I try and unwind from the day I play the CD Namaste , which is amazingly diverse and transcends me to another place… which influences and shapes the space between sleep and wakefulness. I travel to unknown places, feel emotions unclear to me. I don’t know the purpose of these journeys yet, but they become part of my being, and I am open to the learning. One of the songs, which I have mentioned in my blog, is called “The End of all Suffering”. I strongly urge you to listen to it if you haven’t already. It has given me solace in times of great sorrow and unrest. I am not affiliated with any religion or organization, but I recognize what is divine and beautiful, and has potential for transformation and healing. And this

Melt Down

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I am having a total meltdown. One step further and my fingers will pour into the keys, and I will be a puddle of water. I am not one who cries easily, never mind sobbing hysterically, and really wanting someone to talk to. The only people I could call and trust to pour my heart out to aren't home. Megan called and said they are leaving for Kentucky tomorrow night. She needed whatever clothes I had of Alanna's, and a few toys which they wanted to take. I was angry that she was having her last night's dinner with her father-in-law, and not with Larry and I, though they are coming over for dessert. That in itself bought up a host of feelings and disappointments within me, but in reality what is bothering me is that Alanna is leaving. Reality hit me hard when I had to put all the baby's clothes in bags. I had to empty the drawers in the spare room that have been dedicated to her for three years. All of a sudden I broke down. Alanna had become the child that Larry and I neve

Getting my A** Kicked

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Today was the day for Megan and Dole's send off party, as well as Alanna's 3rd birthday party. We rented a local park which has rolling hills and a view of the river. The weather held out; the sun broke through on and off, and later the clouds rolled in with a cool breeze, but no rain. I left around 5:30 with the kids still playing poker, and headed home. First thing I did was go to bed as I felt like someone sucked the life out of me. I drank a tiny bit of white wine, and did not feel like any more, so it wasn't the wine. I have decided that I have gotten my ass kicked this year by allergies. I don't know what kind, but man, I have no choice but to take medication like Claritin as needed so that I can survive. (going for one right now). I have gotten so sick from it that it leaves me no choice. Larry asked about homeopathic stuff, but at this point I need the relief that drugs provide. I did look it up on a a state website for pollen counts, and locally the weed and gr

Sometimes You Just Have to Laugh

I headed off to a meeting in Woodstock with my friend Bardet. She and I have been through so much together in the past 15 years, and we are the closest of friends. We have also had many zany adventures together, some of which have been posted on this blog. On the way home, we stopped at the lake as I wanted her to see it. It was very hot and muggy, making it a perfect day to go for a swim. We parked in the lot..only a few cars there, and the owners were hauling their kayaks and canoes into the water several hundred feet away from us. We had to put on our suits, which was easy enough when you have a dress on. For the most part. The top to my suit is rather complicated and rather difficult to put on underneath layers of clothes. Even though Bardet has taught me the art of dressing and undressing without anyone seeing anything, I was having a difficult time pulling this one off. No one around. OK. I can take off my dress and quickly put on my top. After all, we are in the woods. Bardet as

Lady in the Lake

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No matter what I do I cannot get this panorama to show at a decent size. I know why it has to be sized down so small, mostly because of its width and the size of the blog page it is allotted. But you do not need size to see the beauty of the lake, which I sought after a long week, and a hot day. After school I went to Woodstock to see my amazing therapist, who is my guide through this next stage of my life. Over the year I have been seeing her I feel empowered, and so much more at peace with myself and my life, in spite of the challenges I face. She is brilliant. It was in the 80's, late afternoon, and I happened to have my swim gear in the car. I felt the urge to go on a mini adventure, and I pulled off the main road home into the long narrow dirt road that leads to my favorite natural swimming spot, a beautiful lake, long and deep, filled in from an ancient quarry. I took photos before the cooler evenings give it an entirely different palette. I met up with my friend Karen there,

On Being Anonymous

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If you read my blogs and some of the comments, you might find that there has been some banter back and forth between me and an anonymous reader/commenter who must live in the same county as I do. It is very strange to communicate with someone who remains anonymous in their correspondence. I am used to open dialog face to face, no matter how difficult the subject may be. It would be sort of like talking to someone who insists on putting a paper bag over their head, but I am sure that the person has a good reason for being anonymous, and I respect that. However, if you want to contact me further, you can do it through my email link on my profile page.... But I will answer to Mr./Ms. Anonymous here since there is no other way of writing you...yes, I am all for business in the mid-town section of my city. I have supported many of the businesses over the years and have become very fond of all of Kingston. And in answer to your question about have I ever invested money in that part of the ci

Reinventing Ourselves

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I got the inspiration for my first art lesson from a conversation I had with a friend while lounging by the pool after a delightfully cool dip. Donna was talking about how when the fall comes she finds it a time that she reinvents herself. I spent some time thinking about this, and thought, we are ALL constantly reinventing ourselves. I thought about how after a summer we are all changed. Children come back older, taller, more mature and always different. I have returned wiser from my summer, more appreciative of life and friends, thankful for my health and what I have. I am altered from a summer of discovery, healing, laughter, and tears. Change is a constant - it is one of my tools for learning. I have an art project which allows the kids to focus on themselves, their summer experiences, and gives them a visual way to tell their stories. I hope that they enjoy it. Off to rest and get ready to inspire these great young minds. Even though I am having a rough time adjusting back to my s

Ode to my First Day Back

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When Larry bought this picture dripping out of the dark room I knew it was the artwork for tonight's blog. (and you have got to check out the photo of Alanna on my Catskill Paper art blog) It epitomized my feeling of my first day back to my art room. Though I love my job, it is very hard to come off a summer of artsy Bohemian living and go back to the 8-4. It is like the living color just got sucked out of my beautiful landscape. The photograph was taken at North Lake, at the site of the old Catskill Mountain house. The storms were rolling in, and you could hear the thunder rumbling throughout the mountains. Old Rip bowling again. Still refusing to admit I am back at the job, I worked in my studio and then took off to the Elephant, a delightful tapas bar uptown. (more on that tomorrow). I stayed way too late and now have to head upstairs to read for a bit, then get some sleep. 6 AM comes fast. In mourning, Patti

Last Day of Summer

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It was a beautiful late summer day; crystal clear cerulean sky, warm temps, a soft breeze. I was sad today as I know I have to let go of summer, and get ready to shift gears. School starts tomorrow. No more sleeping in. Less time in the studio and on the Internet inventing myself as an artist. The close of swimming and afternoons hiking or lounging in the sun. I still have some time for plein air sketching when I have time after school, before the light starts to fade, and it gets too cold to sit and hold brush or pen comfortably. I took myself to the pool in the woods for a few hours. Larry went on his own search for a way to celebrate the end of summer making photographs. I was content sitting alone with my iPod, my art books, and a lunch that I packed for myself. When I got to hot I jumped into the cold water of the pool, instantly revived and refreshed. I swam a few laps each time, sad that my time in the pool is drawing to and end. I wonder if I swam every day, would my body gradu

Food for Thought

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I recently got a comment on my blog for "bashing" a local eatery/coffee shop in my small city of Kingston. I thought about it for a bit, and decided that I had not bashed it-I said nice things about it, but also pointed out that the lack of concern about moldy food for display and the disturbances caused by the children and friends of the workers which had colored my vision of what had potential to be a really cool place. I call a spade a spade. I probably will return there at some point in time, (but not eat the food, sorry) and give it another chance. But the place IS a franchise which opened up in a city that has a wonderful established coffee cafe less than a block away, as well as a Starbucks and three ? Dunkin Donuts, and I would like to think they want to be successful. Leaving moldy bagels on a counter and letting your kids and their friends run wild while you are working is not a way to build clientele. Our little city is actually not a void as the person who commen

ACOA

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In spite of my being horridly sick with allergies, I went to my first ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) meeting with a close friend . I am no stranger to 12 step programs, as I have attended them a few times in my life. I have had and still have more than my share of “qualifiers” in my life. The program, as well as good therapists AND hard work, have kept me out of the psych ward, and given me strength to go on when I did not think it possible. I have always attended these meetings in times of crisis, and this is the first time I going when I am not in crisis, but wanting the tools in order to be ready for the next one. And I know there will be a next one. Interesting that after all these years I never addressed the fact that my mother was an alcoholic. She was very quiet about it, and I was so innocent and ignorant about it that I did not even realize she drank until I was in my mid to late 20’s, when she drank herself into a severe stroke. I just knew she was vacant, and was having