It's all in the Hand

I haven't written much lately..and I wonder why, after three years of obsessive writing, have I slowed down to a screeching halt?  A little self doubt creeps and that nasty little voice whispers "perhaps you're all dried up Patti, you really don't have anything to say or express..." and I entertain the concept for a moment, and chuckle, because you know that I will ALWAYS have something to say.  

I haven't been much in the studio either, and as I look back over the last few months, I seemed to have taken a creative hiatus.  I go in and putter around, make a few cards, look at my work, but make nothing of  substance.  I even feel that in my teaching job. 

I start to take inventory.  What is going on?  When I start to think about it I can freak myself out,  because there is a hell of a lot going on.  A lot  of it difficult and painful, whether physically or emotionally- a sick and struggling daughter,  family upheaval regarding the estate of my Aunt loaded with illness, denial, anger and frustration.  My own personal health.  My difficult job.

Perhaps this time I have just needed down time.  Instead of doing what I usually do, which is find some huge thing to distract me, I have spent a lot of time doing what needs to be done,  and taking time for myself to sometimes do absolutely nothing. Nap.  Watch a movie. Putter.   And not worry about when the Muse Fairy is going to grace me with her presence. 

The photos for tonight's blog were taken in Kentucky on Fort Campbell over my Easter break. I went down to visit and help my daughter Megan and her family.  This photo was taken after Megan had chemo and radiation and she was napping.  To me this photo sums up all the unspoken emotions of her struggle.  The other is a photo of my grandson Randy who is 19 months. Everytime he fell down he looked at his hands to see what crap was on them now.  Sort of a euphmaism for my life.

I'll be back....yeah, I still I have lots to say.

Patti O Muser


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