My friend Susan and I made a last minute plan to hike Poet's Walk in the Rhinebeck area, just a few miles from where The Clinton Affair was held. I had some trepidation as I did not know whether it would be a walk that tourists, guests, etc. would be flocking to, but as it turned out, there was only one other hiker when we got there.
It was a beautiful morning to drive with the top down over the Hudson River. It was early and not much traffic on the road. On the way there we laughed at the congratulatory signs set up in the fruit stand to the newlyweds, and watched turkeys strutting though fields of Queen Anne's Lace. Once there we did a 2 mile loop to the river and back, with temps in the 70's.
As we were hiking and talking through the woods and fields, I came to the realization that I am a high stimulation person, and I was gleefully rejoicing in the beauty, excitement of this very ad-lib adventure I was having. I have always known I was a Type A, but the revelation was that I was finally at peace with who I am and how I came to be. And honey, at this point in my life, that is a fine place to be.
In "my other life", when I allowed life to run me, instead of me running my life, I was addicted to stimulation in a negative way - insanity, craziness, and even negativity were my muses. After a series of what I call "slaps in the face", I knew what I was doing wasn't working nor was it healthy for me OR for those I loved in my life. Driven by the adage: "once shame on you, twice shame on me", I could no longer play the role of enabler, victim, co-alcoholic etc. I had an obligation to myself and those whom I loved in my life, to change my patterns of living, thinking, and feeling.
It has been a long process.
It cost one relationship, though I do believe that every relationship we have serves a purpose in our lives. It could not be without the ending of a relationship that I could have been gifted with another.
It's been hard work.
I have had to learn about sublimation and gifting myself with down time and fun. And now, though I am still type A and high stim, I surround myself with things that are healthy. Adventure, creativity, friends, joy, fun. Even when things DO get crazy and intense, which they do in my life, I try and take them at face value, deal with them, and move on.
Do I sometimes lose my mind, run in circles, spin my wheels, and freak? Sure do, but the fits only last a little while, if at all, before I shake them off and find a way back to peace.
As an aside, or maybe it should not be such an aside, a hawk flew into the tree in front of where we were hiking. It perched long enough for me to take of photo of it before it flew off. I looked up the symbolism of hawk --- I felt it was a sign. From a website on Power Animals:
HAWK - is the messenger. IT is also about visionary power and guardianship, the hawk is very protective of the young in its nest. It teaches us about providing for family and self. Hawk teaches us to be observant and to pay attention to what we may overlook. This could mean a talent we don't use, a blessing for which we haven't expressed gratitude, or a message from Spirit. The hawk has keen eyesight, it is about opening our eyes and seeing that which is there to guide us.
At the end of the hike we went into Red Hook for breakfast at Terry's Country Bakery. As for the rest of the day, I felt deeply at peace, and grateful for all that I have.