To all the GOOD Men

I don't know if it is age/wisdom, or facing the fact that life is so precious, but as of late, Step 4 and 5 of the 12 steps to "sobriety, strength, and serenity" have been haunting me.

I am fortunate that I have a low addiction risk considering the pretty serious issues that permeate my lineage, and I have spent many hours in the halls of Al Anon, ACOA, and in AA itself as support for those whom I love. I am grateful that I have only been brushed with some of these issues, and have had the wisdom and strength to stay relatively clean and sane.

Out of those hours I have come to see the wisdom of the 12 steps, and believe them to be a really good basis of living life. And, let's face it, most of us have some kind of problem in our families and lives, and can use some good guidance.

#4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves

# Step 5 - Admitted to our higher being (if we have one), to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

At my niece's baby shower this weekend, I ran into the sister-in-law of one of the men I dated after leaving my husband. I had not seen her in some 20+ years, and re-introduced myself. I asked how J. was doing, and if he ever did get his pilot's license. He did, and he works for the UN flying between NY and Europe.

I was happy that he realized his dream of so many years ago. I also told her to send him my regards, and as a "side" I said to her: "he was so nice, but I was just out of a horrid relationship, in the middle of a divorce, and I was not able to have a relationship, nor did I know what to do with a nice man". It would be better to tell him that myself, but since that is unlikely, I hope that she carries that message to him. He was kind, he was gentle, he would have done anything for me---and I broke his heart.

The same with R., whom I was only friends with in college. Nice guy, taught me how to drive a standard on an old classic car (like a 60's Ford Fairlane or some similar car) that he had restored. He too was studying to be a pilot. I never got close enough to hurt him badly, but I am sure that he was quite disappointed when I put the kibosh on anything more than friendship. I had just moved out of my parents home from a bad situation, and what was I going to do with a nice guy who treated me with respect?

I was lucky the third time however. This nice guy I did not turn away, though I did put him through all kinds of tests. 15 years later, we are still together, and now, more than ever, I appreciate his kindness, his unconditional love, and his respect for me. I know I am not perfect and can even be an intensely strong and demanding woman, but he accepts me in spite of the few pieces of carry on baggage that I carry.... all the good men I send my sincere apologies, and hope that they found wonderful women to share their lives with. I thank them for the kindnesses they showed me, and I will always be grateful for that, more than they will ever know.

And to my GREAT man, thank you for putting up with all the nonsense over the years.
I have worked hard to be the best mate I can be....and am thankful for the chance to have a solid and honorable relationship.

Patti O Step

Photo of my brother and me circa 1965


tangled stitch said…
Good men that go underappreciated. I think that is a theme in many women's lives. For a certain time period in every woman's life usually when she is young enough to be very attractive, the only men we find attractive are the bad boys and we litter the streets with the souls of all the good men. Until we meet the one good man who we are meant to be with. Very interesting blog post!
Patti Gibbons said…
so very well said!

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