Cranberry Jellybeans

I don't know how to blog tonight as my life has just had another series of mini earthquakes. You know the feeling, where you are fine one moment, and the next your heart falls through your stomach and out onto the floor.

In my gasping I remember to breathe, and stay focused on the NOW.

Yeah, to some it might spell poppy-cock, but after years of therapy, meetings, medication, and tears, I have come to find the most peace in being in the present.Can't change the past. Too many variables to even think about predicting the future. All we have is the present moment.

I find reading the serenity prayer as a mantra can also keep me present.

.... grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace

And so the dance goes on of life and death in my life. WIthin the past month month my mother almost dies, a few days after that my daughter gives birth. In the past few weeks my mother has been getting miraculously better (ah, was this for me to learn the lessons of compassion and forgiveness?) Now Megan called and is having problems and is awaiting biopsy reports. Again our life hinges on a phone call, a lab result.

But I breathe and remember with a smile before I head to bed, how before tonight's phone call I ended my the OB GYNs office.

I am over this peri-menopausal shit and made an appointment with my ex-neighbor to have a consultation. Hormones. Birth Control. Hot Flashes. Migranes ==== all that and more. I did get a lot of information on natural vitamins and foods that will help me (I don't trust meds and hormones) but I also got more than I bargained for. All I wanted was a consultation, not an interview with my hoo hoo....

I had no plans for any of that, but in light of the poor health of many of my family members I gave in...and as a result of THAT exam, I have to go for some testing too.

But that doesn't worry me one bit. I have bigger fish to fry.

I am going to bed soon as it is late...and will turn on the weather channel...or CNN, and the drone of some person's voice with the same story over and over again usually lulls me to sleep. Especially some of those weather people and politicians.

Patti O Piece/Peace

oh and may wonder what does the title mean? And the art?
Well, both are ways to make myself feel better, and eating them while I write and play with Photoshop is one way to defrag. Oh and I bought the broom label on Etsy. I think it is so cool!


annie kelleher said…
oh patti i hope both you and your daughter are fine! sending you lots of healing energy and kind thoughts... big hugs, too!
Liz said…
I am thinking about you, Megan and your mom and wishing you all love, light, health and happiness.

Thank you for offering to hang with me on friday. i was just not up for it. but i miss u and would love to see u soon.
Judy Vars said…
my thoughts prayers are with you. I guess it's not supposed to be easy (life) but how about a rest once in awhile. If I was there I'd give you one of my best hugs.
themissus said…
thanks for what you wrote on my blog too mom :) you know, i was more scared how you were going to take the news than i was about getting the results? i hate seeing you worry for me, even though you're my mommy. thank god everything will be ok (for now)...lots of hugs and kisses!

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