Adrift on a Sea

I am a bit overwhelmed. In my art blog I mused how I don't know how I am going to get everything done that I need to before I go to Kentucky, and before school starts. I have an order to complete in 3 days, a show two days after school starts.

I feel like the little trees in the sketch here, awash with water in high tide, lost in a huge ocean, and permanently bent from exposure to the elements. The trees mark the channel, and I understand that they are dug up every year and replaced as the elements eventually kill them. I on the other hand, must be like the Ever Ready Rabbit, and keep on going. I have to. There is no one to replace me, I live my life to recharge during low tide, a place of firmer ground and easier living.

My mom is not eating and though conscious, seems to be in a twilight zone between life and death. The hard part is watching her linger till she makes the journey where she will rest her body and free her soul.

My brother and sister were here, and we discussed how this will all play out and what we will do when she passes. The wake, the coffin, the funeral, the burial. It is so surreal, but I am glad that they are there to bear some of the burden. There is solace in their presence.

I am doing very little today save for go into the studio and working on my order. I will bring my meditational CDs in, and am thinking Deva Primal. She is actually doing a chant workshop at Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, which is in my neighborhood. It would be so cool to attend, but I am not able to do that yet. One step at a time. One moment at a time. At least I am getting better at being in the present. The possibilities of the future will give me heart palpitations, and I do not like that anxiety state.

Off to the studio where I will breathe.

patti o panic