The Adventures of Pooh

No, it is not an A.A. Milne bedtime story. This is one of the occasions I am going to talk toilet talk, one of the favorite pastimes in my family. In fact, my sister-in-law wishes that one of us had warned her of our Adams Family style way of murmuring jokes and phrases about things that no one wants to hear EVER. And it seems to have passed down to the next generation.

I have spent many hours while here holding my lovely little grandson. I comfort him so well that every time I cradle him, he graces me with long outrageous poo noises and diapers filled with gusto.

My grand daughter has finally learned to poop on the potty. However, we have had some adventures and misadventures while in the mall. It is a long way to the potty when you have to GO NOW. Thankfully the elastic in her underwear is strong. That is because we have had to throw so many out that only the newer ones remain. She has made me laugh when she shows me her undies and proudly proclaims: "Mimi-there are NO streaks in THIS pair!".

I tell her I am glad as they are the pair of Sponge Bob undies that I bought back from Century 21 in NYC. I traveled all the way to NY mind you, bought NOTHING back for myself, save for a package of hard-to-find undies.

Tonight, when we were at the Olive Garden, giving her a surprise 4th birthday party, she kept getting looks of panic on her face and whining, "I have to go potty!". After three times episodes of running through a crowded restaurant (people thinking, my God, that old lady can run!)with a bad smell trailing behind us, she whines "what do you do when it won't come out?!". I shrug and tell her I can relate.

The final time she yells I HAVE TO GO POTTY I tell my table that "I am going to put this in my diary", which gets mis-interpreted by Alanna and she screams: "I DO NOT HAVE DIARRHEA!". At this point I am hysterical, and tell Megan it is HER turn to run to the bathroom. The couple at the table next to us trying to have a romantic dinner appear to be appalled, and I do my best to smile weakly and rock the screaming baby, praying he does not let loose once again.

They come back with a smirk that means "mission accomplished" and I know that we can now get in the car for the 20 minute ride back home.

I will miss all of this when I leave. We have have coined new names for one another such as Pee-pee McGee, Poo Poo Magoo, and Fart Machine (OK that is a little too crass to call your grandmother.)

All's well that ends well.

patti o potty

PS: a few good potty books:
Everyone Poops
The Princess and the Potty
and MY favorite: The Truth About Poop-a fascinating reference book all about poop.

Comments

Chaska Peacock said…
There's nothing like a good potty story!
Judy Vars said…
We laugh and joke about bodily functions all the time in my family. Like tonight when ZZ Top was singing "tube steak boogie" I sang instead "poop stain boogie"
and laughed hysterically at my joke.
Tell her to not think (worry about pooping) just relax and think about something else, sit up straight and breath deep.

Relax your butt and your poop will follow - I think George Clinton & P-Funk said that....

Ross

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