The Douglas Report Part 2: The Privy

Meredith laughed at my childish joy in brushing my teeth outside.

Put toothpaste on brush.
Fill cup with "safe" water.
Brush teeth.
Rinse and spit directly on PI (poison ivy)
Pour the rest of the water on brush to rinse out.

I did this at least three times a day.

The next joy was the bathing in the lake.

Put on teeny bikini (easier to wash with) usually after 11 am when sun is strong and water warmed up a bit.
Go in water, usually screaming (for no reason other than to scream)
Soap up, washing all places suspicious of harboring bacteria.
Jump back in water to rinse off.
Then go for long paddle boat ride, or noodle swim.

But the most interesting part of the hygiene routine was the outhouse, or, as Meredith called it, "the Privy".

There is something strangely exciting about being able to pee and poop on the ground, then throw your dirty tissues on top of it. It goes against everything I have ever been taught, and it is up there with "thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's husband". I suspect that they ran out of room for this commandment: Thou shalt not soil the earth. (oh that explains EVERYTHING NOW).

I have come up with a few pros and cons for having a privy, as listed below:

Cleaning is simple: sprinkle lime in the hole.
Two people can go at the same time. (if it is a two seater)
If you are alone, no one knows how loud or stinky your visit was.
It's not a place where your significant other will spend a lot of time reading.

It sucks when it is raining, cold, or the middle of the night.
If you are sensitive to smells, you are in trouble.
If you don't like spiders or snakes, you are also in trouble.
If you are scared of the dark you are really in trouble.

When I got up this morning in my own home, I found it strange to walk a few feet and sit on a cool white porcelain odor free toilet. The shower also was rather foreign, and brushing my teeth was no fun at all.

Think I will head to the cabin before the snow falls, as well as the temperature, so that I can have peace, simplicity, and good laughs with my friend.

I must say REAL SIMPLE has no clue what they are talking about.

Patti Au Natural


You're so silly - girls don't poo.

;P Ross

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