Poop Poop and more Poop

My entire day has been centered around poop. OK, I am getting really personal here, but as I was about to leave for work, I put down my purse and books, and decided to make a pit stop in the bathroom. Ah....good thing.

Then out the door.

While I was at work, I was barraged by emails from my brother and sister regarding my mother's poop habits in the nursing home, and the fact that she is refusing a colonoscopy.

Several phone calls later with two MALE nurses, I had spent a few hours of the day discussing whether or not they had hard (or soft) evidence about how many times my mother is indeed pooping, and whether or not she has the right to refuse examination of her pooper.

Somewhere along the line, all of this talk about poop made me want to make another pit stop to the bathroom.

When I got home my daughter calls me and tells me to look at my text message on my cell phone. There, big and bold, is a photo of Alanna's poop on the toilet. Now this is a big deal as she has had some pooping issues, so I had to call her and tell her how fabulous her poop was. I had just sent her the book Everyone Poops (great I might add) and we discussed which animals pooped on the run, which ones pooped in the water, and which ones read the newspaper while pooping.

Then I got an email on the origin of the word SHIT, which was an urban legend, and had to send out an email proving the erroneous nature of the first email with the Urban Legends link.

So I leave you all with a few silly little jokes, all this crapped up head can handle.

What does the SS Enterprise and a roll of toilet paper have in common?
They all circle around Uranus searching for Klingons.

Why is it bad to hold in your farts? Because they travel up your spine to your head and that is where all your shitty ideas come from.

And last, but not least, If I wanted any shit out of you, I'd squeeze your head.

Here's to George Carlin. May he be laughing at all of us.

Patti o turd

Comments

There must be some kind of universal poop event going on today:

So I found an apartment and it's been great to have a place to call my own. I like everything about the place so far except the cabinets in the kitchen and TOILET...

The toilet seat is small, I mean really small. It's small for normal folk and I'm a husky fellow. So when I go to the bathroom, I have to choose between front or back...

So that's been causing me some tension and as a result, I'm started the mornings off in a not so good mood. Well today my belly said enough and while I was doing courier work, I had to make pit stop and "release the hounds."

My god, it just didn't stop coming. Not to be gross but before I checked the crime scene out, I was nervous that it was going to lift me off the seat!!!

Needless to say, I am replacing that hinged Lifesaver this week with a real seat, something made for adults.

Send best wishes xoxo's to Megs and my goddaughter for me? I am so proud about Alanna's poopies!!!! today!!!
Judy Vars said…
We can all discuss poop in a sane adult manner instead of saying things like; I've got to drop a couple of kids off at the pool, or time to squeeze off a loaf. Choose to say; excuse me madam or sir I shall retire to the toilet room and do my dayily constutional, poop poop and cheery O :0 :)

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