The past few days I have been - how would you say it - off.

With the flurry of the show, I think I repressed the signs from my body and head. My only focus was work, prepare, and show.

Friday night, after setting up, I went out to meet my friends for a bit at one of the places we converge on a payday Friday. I had a Cosmo or two, then went home. I did not care if I ate, and went and crawled under the covers, and watched TV for a bit. No, I did not want to go out for dinner. I wanted to listen to my body and play turtle.

I worked all day Saturday doing the show, then went out for a bite to eat, and came home. I found myself battling with the "ick, I don't feel right so don't touch me syndrome". Larry had to figure out how to get around that one.

Sunday I went to do my yoga, and broke down the show. By 2:00 I was antsy to do something. "GO SEE LEVON HELM" the little voice said inside my head. "NOW"

I mentioned my little voice to Larry, and he went on a diatribe about how he did not think that Levon Helm's last CD, Dirt Farmer, was all that (it earned him the Grammy Award for Best Traditional Folk Album in February 2008!) "Fine" I said. "I don't mind going alone". The little voice said "IF HE ISN'T READY IN FIVE MINUTES, LEAVE. YOU GAVE HIM PLENTY OF NOTICE". Hiss....

I packed my camera, got my phone, and headed to the car.

I returned a few text messages, found the music I wanted to hear, and backed out of the driveway to head to adventure land. As I was about 10 feet down the street and I hear a "HEY!" and look to see Larry running down the driveway after me, dragging his coat, hat, and scarf behind him, sort of like a kid who is about to miss the school bus.

Honestly, I did not think he wanted to go. REALLY. I did not mean to leave without him. It was just that the little voice said "LEAVE NOW LEAVE NOW LEAVE NOW" and I listened to it. (yeah, yesterday's blog made it sound all nice and groovy and totally loving...well now you know the REAL truth!)

Today I am in the middle of class teaching. Cramps grip my gut. I head over to the calendar, shake my head and say no, it has only been two weeks since I wrote the blog from Fort Campbell. I tell a female student that I am really not well, and she shakes her head and says "well, it IS the end of the month.".

I shake mine in return thinking what the hell does THAT mean?

An hour later I go into the bathroom, and then I say WTF for the third time this week as I bleed to death on my lunch hour.

The flip side to this all is that I am not pregnant and I won't have a two - headed child. If you thought my mind could go places about horse shit, imagine what it can do thinking about a 50 year old pregnant woman named Patti.

Off to have a glass of wine and take a few of those newfangled drugs that sort of work.... Ponstell. At least I wont' be up all night curled up into a ball moaning how I want it all out.

Patti O


Judy Vars said…
It sounds like you've been burning the candle at both ends and your body is saying enough already. Remember
Patti O 50
Love ya
Judy Vars said…
p.s. I love your bounding energy and love for life and hope you feel better tomorrow.
annie kelleher said…
i hope you feel better tomorrow too!! my nearly fifty year old body is certainly behaving in ways my younger body never used to...haha... maybe i should blog about that :).

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