Patti Gibbons Art

I have not been much in the mood to write lately. Still sick, I only get reprieve when I take the prescription limodol, and that lasts for about 24 hours. So I am learning to take it if I am going to go out and about, or attempt to go have a meal out with someone. I don't take it while I am teaching as I don't want to become dependent upon it. I am on the "Pepto Dismal" regime that the doc ordered, but my gut suspicion is that I have a parasite or bacteria that was not in the "top 20" for testing, and will have to go through further testing for that. Thanks to my friends who have written me about this and are encouraging me to follow up on more testing, which I will indeed insist upon. But that June 11 appointment with the gastro doc seems so far away when one is sick. Enough of that until there are any updates. I am sick of living this life and talking about it. Pictured here is a little kitten that Colette captured from its feral mother the other day....

At just after 9 am I called the doctor's office. The nurse says some test that I had was negative, (did not even know what it was) and that the biopsies turned up colitis. Blech. But, better than some other options, like a cancerous tumor. I must make it my focus to get well again and put this into remission. In doing my obsessive research, I learned that I might have this the rest of my life. Causes: a whacked autoimmune system, or poor circulation in the colon (hmmm..do phleboliths and colitis have any connection?)OR bacteria/parasites. I was tested for the last, but I KNOW that they did not test for ALL of the bacteria/parasites on my last sample. They test for the top 20, and that is it. So in my head I still have not ruled out the possibility of having picked up something in my travels, whether it be in Spain or the ole US of A. Just something a little more exotic than the top 20. Blood circulation in my abdomen? I know that lower extremity circulation is not that great in...

I called the doc's office as SOON as I got home to pester them about my results. Turns out the biopsies are in, but nurse can't give me results, the doc has to call me. I tell her that I am home ALL AFTERNOON and resting as I am still sick, and if they needed to reach me in the morning to call my cell as I will be at work. So what do they do? Call my cell, which I don't have on when I am home, and don't bother calling the home phone. This is the second time this has happened to me there and it has made me very cranky. Who knows HOW long the results have been in, and how long they would have taken to call me with them if I did not keep on top of it. As it was, I should have probably gone to the hospital for hydration over the weekend as I suspect I was at a place that was getting a little bit dangerous. Then I run into a friend Monday, who says to me "Patti, I did not want to tell you this till you were better, but recently my friend's mother had a colonoscopy,...

It is too late to get into detail, but I have discovered some of the lessons that were to be learned from my illness. The main lesson is that I was deceiving myself by thinking I was living a healthy life. In some ways I was, as compared to many, but I was putting too many things into my body. The doctor told me NO DAIRY for now, but I have also taken myself off gluten. I had the energy to take myself shopping so that I can eat various things during the week at school and at home. It turns out my new diet is also very expensive, but you can't put a price on health, now can you? I have also bought a juicer and made my first glass of organic fresh juiced greens, fruits, and veggies this afternoon. My intention is to start my day off with a glass rather than with coffee. Todays breakfast was an iced green tea with a strange little gluten free muffin, sweetened with --- of all things, VALENCIA ORANGES!So far that and my dinner of Artic Char, salad and grilled zuccini are staying qu...

Today was a S L O W day. I slept terribly the night before. I could not sleep and had to meditate in bed before I could drift off into a semi-conscious state. Then not long into that state, the $^#^#^ neighbors dog is outside barking at 3 AM. I won't even go into the knock on the door by the neighbor who owns THE DOG the other day right after I had been sick. THAT is for another blog. It was opening day at the Farmer's Market, so I went uptown to check it out and sit on the stone bench and talk to my friend Jonathan. It was torture as there was nothing that I could eat, and the only thing I bought was some potatoes to boil for a new meal. I came home and then went to bed for a while. I was exhausted. I think I am still dehydrated. Headaches for a few days, and I am having weird spots/flashes in my vision. I have to get up slowly otherwise I have the spins and feel like I am going to black out. I have been eating bananas for potassium, and putting a bit of salt on my fo...

Since I don't have the stamina to work on my new painting, I spent a few moments wandering the yard and taking a few photos of various parts of my back gardens, working on them in Photoshop. It soothed my need to make art, and centered me for a while, as I have been pretty depressed about being sick. One thing I discovered a LONG TIME AGO about the health care system, is you have to be your own advocate and bug the doctor. Last night after chicken broth and a small piece of grilled salmon, I became violently ill for 5 1/2 hours. It is wearing me out. I called the gastroenterologist's office, saying "at what point do I check into a hospital?" I may have been over dramatic, but I was in so much pain and constantly in the bathroom that I thought there must be something that will help me till I get the results back. Sure enough, there are a few drugs to stop the spasms and the trots...that are not available over the counter. "We will call you as soon as the res...

The sun is shining, there is a smooth cool breeze easing into my room from under the partially open window. I hear the birds singing, and I am waiting for school to call to get directives on what to do with my classes today and tomorrow as I can't go back to work until Tuesday. I had myself a few little cries as I feel so horrid, and am depressed that I have no energy and sometimes wonder if I will ever get better. I know it will, it did when I broke my ankle, but not before I had to deal with pain, solitude, a lot of lessons to be learned. The procedure prep was brutal, probably compounded by the fact that I have been so sick for weeks. The procedure itself was fine. However, when I woke up...I was not aware that I would have severe abdominal pain, nor was I in any shape to see the high contrast vivid photographs of my colon, which showed a lot of blood and some other things which I could not decipher. They took a bunch of biopsies which made me bleed even more. Larry took ...

I made a mistake calling last night's dinner "The Last Supper" as I sip on tonight's dinner of clear broth soup from Kyoto. After drinking 64 oz of 50% Gatorade and 50% water, with a 14 day supply of stool softener chemical thrown in, I am deeply honored by this humble and delicious mug of broth. I have fasted all day, and in four more hours, I will be consuming nothing but air for another 12 hours. After doing a bit of research online about preparing for this procedure, and interviewing a few people who have undergone it, I came prepared. Tube of Zinc Oxide, baby wipes, several rolls of T.P. placed in each of the two bathrooms. Fortunately I was never far from one of the two bathrooms, so Depends were unnecessary, and my legs walk really fast when they need to. I learned not to wipe, rather blot, or do a little butt munch on the T.P. (TMI?) Go ahead. You laugh. Wait till it's YOUR turn. Or maybe you already have done this and nod your head in agreement. I ...

Being sick has had it's effects on me. Weekends I spend recovering from the fatigue and stress of the classroom and "running on empty". I often wake up in the middle of the night having to run to the bathroom, so even my sleep is compromised. I had to cancel my massage today as I feel horrid and can't be far from the loo. Today I wrote on Facebook: home is where the bathroom is . Indeed, how sadly true. Tonight is the last supper. Larry stopped by Bistro-to-Go and picked up grilled eggplant, salmon, and couscous for the both of us for a mere 12.00. You could not MAKE IT for that! After midnight tonight, when the food has already left me and is off to the next notch in the recycling chain, I cannot consume anything but clear fluids until the test is over with around 1 PM on wednesday. After all of this, I had BETTER fit into my smaller pants. It would be a nice gift the universe could give me along with an "at least there is no cancer" diagnosis. I w...

Underpainting of view of the Hudson from the Rhinecliff Bridge Last night was a lovely date with Larry. A ride over to Bard w/top down on a warm spring night, the sun dropping down behind the mountains. Me, shooting like a mad woman holding the camera high to the sky, trying to shoot over the rails of the bridge to capture the caress of light in the sky and on mountains and river as we glide 40 mph over a mile of water in my little silver transport machine. There was a moment where I felt the pure joy that a dog must feel sticking it's head out the window. Carmina Burana was splendid at the Fisher Center, a BARGAIN at 5.00 a ticket! It is a wonderful concert hall, a true architectural gem - right here in the Hudson Valley. So today I had the painting bug and knew it was time to go back to the studio and start my 10,000 hours of painting. I have already put a few thousand in by now I am sure, but if I paint three hours a day for 8 years I will reach my 10,000 hours and I will be ...

It is late and I have had a full day. This is the bouquet I picked from my garden tonight. I have had bouquets of forsythia, and French white lilacs, parade through my house, but they are done now and it is time for the next round of flowers to present themselves. Sadly, I missed the violets. This week the garden presents me with lily of the valley and pink wild Columbine, and the azaelia is in bloom as well as my pink lilacs...just about ready to cut. I am really paying attention to the garden and the cycles this year, and letting the plants dictate what I am going to do with them. Till tomorrow, Patti O Flower

It is too late to write. I spent an hour with my aunt on the phone, which has wiped me out emotionally. On a good day she is a challenge. On a bad day she is an ........energy depleter, save for the fact that I try and make her laugh, cause I don't think anyone else tries to do that. I am struggling with the negative lab results which mean I have to now have a colonoscopy. Next week. Great. The last great orifice to be explored. Some think it is my body processing trauma. Some think it is my gallbladder. Some say "lactose intolerance". I say WTF, I just want to be normal again! I say it's all shit. Plain and simple. Patti O feces

As I type, I am listening to Peter Gabriel's song DIGGING IN THE DIRT. The lyrics hit a chord that twists me heart a bit. (said with an Irish accent) Something in me, dark and sticky All the time its getting strong No way of dealing with this feeling Cant go on like this too long.... Digging in the dirt Stay with me, I need support I'm digging in the dirt To find the places I got hurt Open up the places I got hurt The more I look, the more I find As I close on in, I get so blind I feel it in my head, I feel it in my toes I feel it in my sex, that's the place it goes I wonder if he's in therapy? Yes I have been digging in the dirt, but to plant things to be worthy of the Green Goddess. Lettuce, arugula, spinach, cilantro, parsley, basil, rosemary, peas. I am awaiting the delivery of my tomato and pepper plants, and then the garden will be complete for now, until I get the next bed tilled and planted. Since I have been sick, I have had very little energy, but I want t...

Just got in a bit ago from a long day of teaching, a brief nap, then a class on using the illustrated books of Peter Sis to teach art, history, and current events. The original illustrations for the book TIBET THROUGH THE RED BOX are being shown at the Woodstock Art Association and Museum, in Woodstock, NY, as well as the scrapbook and objects he made which inspired the book. Peter's father saw Tibet just before the invasion by the Chinese, and the book tells the story of what Peter discovered about his fathers long mysterious absence in his father's diaries, which had been kept locked in a red box. There is much more to the story, but I will leave it to you to explore the site which includes a very moving documentary (but does take a special video player that I do not have on my computer yet). His art is inspiring, his books beautiful humanistic stories about freedom, and personal and global history. I came away with many ideas for new ways to reach my students which may b...

I am keeping this blog short tonight as I am too busy trying to learn how to use my new/used I-MAC. It was getting really old working on my laptop, which is fine for what it is, but I like a bigger screen, a bigger keyboard, and the ability to run all the programs I need. I bought it from a really good friend, who had it LOADED with all of the Graphics Programs I could ever want. So much to learn, so little time. I still have to figure out how to transfer all of my files onto the external hard drive that came with it, and how to get my I-Tunes up and running. I need to buy a USB hub as I need more than the three ports that are on it, but that is no biggie. I don't think that the USB ports on the keyboard are good for much, or at least powerful enough for hard drives and card readers that I often have to use. More tomorrow, as I have to get some sleep soon. Last night I was up from 2-4, and actually got up and did some work as there was no way I could get back to sleep. Patti O...

Mother's Day is always a weird day for me. In the past there have been some bad things that happened on Mother's Day. There have been times where neither one of my kids called me, and I hate to say it, usually one out of two does something to really annoy me, and I bet you can guess which one. Megan had sent me gifts and a card during the week, and called me first thing in the morning. She was up way earlier than I was, but it was fine, I woke up to talking to her and Alanna, and sipping on the coffee Larry brewed for me in bed. As the day went on, I was feeling ill, so I went back to bed till 2 pm. I awoke to my son calling me to wish me Happy Mother's Day. He asked what we were doing, and I invited him to dinner. 6 PM. He then said "I had no money to buy you a gift" which is a line I have heard over and over. I bit my tongue to keep from saying," if you threw a few bucks in a tin a week for a few weeks, you could come up with enough to buy an 8.00 b...

Some things are better left unsaid. Like yesterday's poo sampling. Let it just be said that it was one of the more disgusting things I have had to deal with, and I have dealt with a lot of shit. I dropped it off as promised, in a Victoria's Secret bag. I decided against going to Monkey Joe's as even thinking about a double espresso made my guts hurt. It was not a good day. Spent a lot of the day in the bathroom, with several reprieves before it started up again. I had to take a nap on my desk at lunch, as I have not figured out how to get energy when my body is running on very little nutrition. I called the doc to make sure they had all of my phone numbers. I asked them how long it would take for the lab results to come back. "Oh, depending upon the tests, a week to 10 days". "WHAT!" I shouted in the phone. "I'll be DEAD by then" I snorted. I don't think the receptionist quite knew what to do with that, and my students all looked u...

OK, so here I will go again educating you. We have discussed endoscopys, endometrial biopsies, hysteroscopies, and now I am going to talk about the health of the colon. Please feel free to ask me questions at any time should you too someday have to go through any of these tests. I met the nurse practitioner at my gastroenterologist's office. I liked her too. A bit older than I, very well versed and proceeded just the way I had in mind. I like the "lets go from simple to more complex/invasive route". I have been to too many other doctors who jump to the LET'S TAKE OUT THE ORGAN, before they even knew 100% what was up with it. We decided on the stool sample. Now this is just a charmer of a test. When you do it on little babies or toddlers (for suspected lactose intolerance or parasite infection which can very easily be picked up at the beach or swimming..) they at least have a diaper to work with. All you need is that diaper full, a poopsicle stick, and the bot...

It is funny how you get accustomed to your disabilities. I know I can't do certain things on or with my right ankle, and now I have learned how to navigate my life around how close the toilet is. Today was a rough start. I could barely get out of bed. I felt really disconnected and spacey, and it took a long time for me to feel like I could function. At lunch time I debated whether or not I could make it up the road to buy a flat of plants and back to school without a disaster. I took a deep breath, and headed out. I got to the place and could not find any of the plants Ruben told me were there. I called his cell, and he told me to go down the stairs to the right of the place and that was where all the plants were. I took the hike, but found nothing but broken machinery on one side, and a rock quarry on the other. WTF? I go inside of the store and ask the woman where the peas are that my friend had bought there last week. She looks at me kind of odd, and says "ma'am, w...

I am a bit weepy. Perhaps it is because I am listening to such sad music, and I feel so poorly. Or maybe it sounds so sad because I am sad. I made it through a day of work, but not without spending my early morning hours in the bathroom, as well as the remainder of the afternoon. I did not go to my workshop. Instead I had to go to bed. I am not sleeping, no food is staying for very long in my body. It is wearing me down, and who knows after yesterday's procedure how my hormones are reacting to the invasion of their home base. A reader reassured me that I was not giving too much info, because as women, we need to be educated in order to make the best decisions about our bodies. Thank you my dear readers. I have heard "hysterectomy" whispered by a few doctors I have talked to, and to me, that is far too invasive a procedure for an organ that does not have cancer. What I do have is hormones that are off the chart. I have suspected that for years, though it does, on oc...

I am so glad that today is over. It has been a long one; I made it through without a major breakdown, thought I do have to admit, I had a few mini melt downs. Sometimes I wonder if what I write is TOO MUCH INFORMATION at times. But there are not enough people out there who talk about what it is like to go through peri-menopause, or what to do when the body is starting to break down, and how to go about the health care system in such a way that is honorable and the least invasive. We have to be our own best advocates and do a lot of research. Some of you may not know this, but before I went back to school for my BS and MS in art education, I worked in the medical field for years. I got anesthesiologists and many surgeons their money because I knew how to bill insurance companies. I am fairly literate regarding medical terminology, coding, reading operative reports etc. I worked in the operating room of one of the local hospitals as a secretary for a while, scheduling surgery, whi...

It has been a long weekend. The only trip out of the house was to drop off art work at Varga's in Woodstock, and to buy paint for the bathroom. I was too scared to go far from home, as one the rumbling and grumbling starts in, I have to be close to a bathroom. I did a lot of research today on my "condition". The last words the doc had for me about my stomach was something to the effect of my gallbladder not working well. They did the endoscopy, gave me meds that are working for now, but now terrible, just terrible things are happening to the other end of the digestive system. They match up with symptoms of a broken gall bladder. And come to think of it, this has been going on for a while now, only the ante keeps getting upped. I learned that you don't need gallstones or even sludge to have a bad gallbladder. Of course there is a danger in self-diagnosing, but my gut (and it speaks loudly these days) is telling me that might indeed be the case. A PS to all of th...

All that talk about the toilet the other night spurred on some nasty nasty bug to get even worse in my body yesterday. I have not been right all week, and it culminated with a day of feeling quite poorly at work, and then I started running to the bathroom.......I had to cancel out on going out dancing to Sonando with my work buddies in the late afternoon, and head straight to bed. I was so happy that Tom put the door back on my bathroom, as I too often locked myself in there, not caring what shape the seat was, or that there was grout dust and Spackle all over the walls; I was just grateful the bathroom was a few feet from my bed. I am better today, though weak. I hope to be able to get out and do my banking, shipping, and go buy mulch, plants, and get some more gardening done. I need to replenish my electrolytes, and eat something to get some strength back as I don't have much left. I am posting a blog I wrote the other night on my art blog Catskillpaper. My personal and my ...