The Final Days

The title of tonight's blog sounds like the name of a book my father would have had in his library of books, and if my father had lived long enough it WOULD have been in his library. It was published much later however, and it is about Watergate and Nixon. AH, my father, being the staunch Republican that he was, would have indeed had the book.

I remember some of the books he had in that bookcase...Airline Safety is a Myth, books on the death of Kennedy. William Buckley was his hero....I wonder what he would have thought of Bush?!

I am getting off topic here.

What I am referring to is my visit to Gary's tonight. He is fading...and though he still knows we are there, he is barely responding. He enjoys our conversation however, and how we rub his feet, hold his hands, and give him love.

I cried on the way up to see him...and fear it will be the last time.

It has been a journey, this dalliance with death. I have avoided it my whole life, but now I am trying to be the best nurse and friend that I can be, though I know I suck at it. Yet I have learned so much, and I know that whatever I have been able to give has been cherished.

I hope that he dies in his sleep, to spare his elderly mother the pain of actually having to watch him die. The past 6 weeks of seeing her son suffer has been more than enough.

Live each day to its fullest, have no regrets, and remember to love yourself so that you can love others...perhaps the greatest lesson of all that I have learned.



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