Not a good start to the day.
I thought the workshop started at 10. At 9 am I double checked online. It started at 9. I live 1/2 hour away from the center.
In my rush to get leave (sans breakfast) I hit the portable dishwasher, which knocked over the bottle of wine, whose top was not on, and spilled all over the wall and behind the stove. The timer also fell, which I promptly whipped across the room and broke into a half a dozen pieces.
I am not proud of this. I know I snapped. I have not done so in such a long time.I am a total hormonal mess, and this can't go on.
On the way to class, I thought "great. I am just like one of the kids that I teach. I am going to class a total mess, and ready to have a meltdown". In that reflection, I understood how my kids must feel, some of them on a daily basis. I knew that I needed a cry, to be left alone to dive into the paints and get myself back into a human state.
I have no excuse for this. I don't have any stressors in my life at the moment. Mom is holding her own, Megan is for the moment OK too. But then I stopped to think and realize that my job has been horridly stressful, and my body is a mess - I need to get a grip on this. Figures, I did not meditate this morning either.
I did paint for close to 6 hours straight on a mostly empty stomach. I have posted the unfinished paintings here. They are rather poor photos as they were shot hand held with my digital camera in natural light. But you get the essence of the work. One is a sky for my sky series, and the other is of the salt marshes I hiked through this past summer. I have primed another large canvas for a dramatic sky/Catskill Mountain landscape, but that is for tomorrow. And I WILL be on time.