Definately Sloggin'

First of all, if you are a man and you are squeamish about discussing women's bodies and such, stop reading. This is NOT for you. But for some of you, it might be educational, and give you some insight into the women in your life, whether sister, lover, wife, mother, etc. And for my women friends, I can see you shaking your heads up and down in empathy.

At almost 52, I should be done with this menstruation bit. Somehow, when I turned 50, I thought, HOORAY, it is going to be over! Then my dear friend told me she did not go through menopause until she was 62. I wanted to scream.

I am having "issues". For three years now I have had cycles that last 14-28 days, usually on the 14-21 day end. For a week ahead of time I have insomnia, night sweats, and the day before it hits, I get a headache that drops down over me like a cowl. We won't even discuss the occasional melt downs from time to time, but I know enough now to warn Larry and tell him (in the middle of being sarcastic,angry and mean) that I am not feeling right, and he knows what I mean. I lock myself up like Lon Chaney (the werewolf of the olden days).

Then there was the uterine biopsy to make sure I didn't have the C word. I won't even go into detail about that save for I thought I was in labor for a short amount of time. Biopsy fine, and now I am on a natural progesterone to straighten me out. Only it doesn't seem to be working.

So with such a short cycle, I am either PMSing or DMSing. Can you imaging being my vacation partner, whether husband OR friend, and having to deal with all of this?My students have no clue; they just think I am constantly upset or sick, and cheer for the good days.

Today I am working at my computer in school, and the assistant comes to me with a pretty little tiny pink envelope that has dropped on the floor in a class of boys. I look at it and say, "where was that"? She replies.."oh on the floor by you".

I turn deep red, have an instant hot flash, and am appalled. I remember slipping a little mini pad into my sleeve as I ran across the hall into the bathroom. I laugh and tell her that we would have both denied owning it and asked which one of the boys had their period. (they were HORRID today)

Then in Walgreens, I have to restock my Tampax, as in two days I have used everything I have. I pick up a can of De-Icer (for the EOS which would not open for me AGAIN) and think that I will ask the clerk if it is a cure for frigidity. I decide it is a poor joke, he probably wouldn't get it, but walk down the aisle chuckling to myself.

On the way home after a long crampy, horrid day, I listen to John Mayer croon into my ear:

Oh Gravity is working against me
And gravity wants to bring me down

Oh twice as much aint twice as good
And can't sustain like a one half could..

Oh gravity, stay the hell away from me...

and I swear he is singing about my breasts and butt..

ms. peri - o - menopause

art: one of my mixed media collages. Fits the subject matter well....


annie kelleher said…
ah, patti, you poor poor thing. may i suggest you try b vitamin supplements (take as often as every two hours) and up the amt of calcium and magnesium you get? also, for some reason, i am hearing the Angels tell me that vitamin D would be good for you as well... eat a lot of orange and red strengthen those chakra areas as well... and spinach... they are showing me spinach... how do YOU feel about spinach? :) there are also some herbal teas - red raspberry, chasteberry and red clover - that might be helpful, too... i actually beleive that one of the benefits of eating the way the angels tell me to has helped me get through this stage so far with a minimal of discomfort... but im in exactly the place you are... wacky cycles, night sweats a few days before, and prone to headaches before and during. (i think im a perfect angel, however, all the time - its the people around me who go bonkers a fwe days a month and forget i AM the Queen of EVerything!!!) how about when this is all done, we make a bonfire and burn a few boxes of "feminine hygiene products?" we can invite all the crones we know!!!
Oh no...priceless about the mini!!! Flashback to Junior high right there. I sit in a room full of women going through the same thing at work. They scare me endlessly with their stories. And I believe you just added to it. =)
My mom didn't seem to have any issues with it....can I be hopeful?

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