I am what I am.....


Heaven help me for the way I am
Save me from these evil deeds before I get them done
I know tomorrow brings the consequence at hand
But I keep living this day like the next will never come..

Words from Fiona Apple.

One of my favorite Victorian cards says "by the grace of God, I am what I am". (I like saying this with a southern accent..) It hangs on my wall over where I work in the studio. I know it does not excuse bad behavior, but it validates my individuality and the freedom and spirit with which I live my life. I really TRY not to do things that will get me in trouble, nor would I intentionally hurt anyone. That is not to say that in my younger, less mature days, that I did some things that I am not proud of. Some hearts got broken and I was like a dust devil, leaving a mess in my wake, but in general I am a kind and loving person who has a wild side to me that I never want to completely let go. I also know that if I ever ran into any of these people, I would humbly apologize.

Sometimes I think...if people ever knew...and I smile to myself.

I do walk the edge at times, like a tightrope, carefully maintaining my balance. Honestly, it's ok. I would not have it any other way. I like the rush, I like the intensity. It fuels my creativity and imagination. I don't know if Larry is quite in agreement with all of this since he has to live with me, but heck, he knew what he was getting into. (didn't you?) I think I counterbalance the crazyness with responsibility and give him many things that he might not get from a more sane mate.

With all that is going on in my life, sick relatives, a sick daughter, and being in the thick of middle age, ( I just deleted that I was approaching it..for heaven's sake woman, you are almost 50!!!!!) I HAVE TO LIVE EACH DAY WITH GUSTO and when I sleep at night, I know that I could not have lived it any better. I show love as much as I can, and have deep gratitude for all that I have.

I hope I am a good role model for my students and for my children, especially Megan who knows how precious life is. We have two choices, either to be joyful and celebrate life, or be angry and sad. Research has confirmed that the former is healthier, and besides, the latter creates more wrinkles. And, if any of you have watched the movie THE SECRET, it attracts more joy and love, and you know, I really like that. (the law of attraction, ah, that is for another blog)

So live life to it's fullest, rejoice in your individuality, love, and laugh. It's the only way.

p.

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