Back Road Blues....and Pinks....

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Back road blues.

(I take a long breath here...and sip on my raspberry martini---much deserved after such an arduous day)

Start of day: it is a bit above freezing, and I am driving along the creek. The fog is rolling off the snow. The late February sun is attempting to shove it's rays through the dense fog, and the snow seems to be going backwards into the sky from where it fell. Surreal.

Shit. No camera. Never, never, leave home without it.

Fast forward 10 hours later. I am driving along the Hudson and the sun is setting. The mountains in the background are pink and the snow on the river glows save for the one dark channel up the middle used by the barges. I am driving up steep driveways on ice and snow and enjoying the skittery playfulness I have with my 4-wheel drive. As I laugh, I have a flash back-1977, doing donuts in some mall's parking lot, bouncing off snow banks and laughing hysterically with friends.

20+ miles later I am heading home from dropping Alanna off to Megan's new temporary home, and I find myself on roads I traveled when I was 19. It was the year of leaving home, my father dying, falling in love, going to Europe, first year of college, and, my first apartment.

I don't know how I got home at times in those back roads. I remember some pretty wild rides home, in fog, in A fog....and some things that I would rather not remember.

I drove past the house where I lived with a friend of my ex's for a while. Peter was very eccentric, and recently was found dead in the house...probably for several weeks. I remember driving by....saddened by his death and by the life my ex chose to lead while leaving two children in the dust.

I shuddered as that was a very wild and intense time of my life. So much discovery, and so much pain.

I headed home on those old familiar roads, John Lennon singing in the background. I smile and think about the evening I will have with myself. A martini, a bath. A long sigh.

Love is touch,
touch is love,
love is reaching,
reaching love.
Love is asking,
to be loved.
Love is you,
you and me.
Love is knowing,
we can be.
Love is free.
Free is love.
Love is living,
living love.
Love is needing,
to be loved.

Comments

Anonymous said…
I remember that house (pete's) and what they said you did... the stories...I was in that house too. edhead
12:03 PM
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