Gifts from the Universe

You can be assured that neither one of these photos are my laptops background. In fact, on my laptop is a photo of the ocean looking out through a window in the fabulous Muse Restaurant in Provincetown before July 4Th..

However, you don't get a two hour delay in school for sunny beach weather, so I have graced tonight's blog with photos taken on the way to work after last night's ice storm.

I had a two hour delay, and some schools were closed so I had very mellow classes. I am taking tomorrow off as I am exhausted, and need one day to regroup.

Today was the first day I have not had to work two jobs in what seems to be a month, and I headed over to see Gary in the hospital. He is going home tomorrow, with hospice and a nurse to tend to him.

I spent the evening with him, and perhaps they were four of the most valuable hours of my life.

When he could, we talked, or I mostly talked. We talked about life, my life, his life, how we had crushes on one another when we were some 35 years younger. I rubbed his back, hands, and head for a long time. He was content to have this human touch, and I was grateful that I was able to give this with love. I watched his brother in law come in and hold his hands,and take over some of the soothing touch that he so loved.

I have had a hard time overcoming the fear of becoming intimately involved with a dying man. I watched my father die from a very damaged and distant space. I felt helpless when my girlfriend died as I was too entwined with my own messes and pain to be of much help to her. I have feared death this past year while my daughter battled cancer. And here lay my challenge....

So today I am grateful for the beauty of the morning, of the delay, of the time spent with a dying man. Within all of those moments were life lessons, and a treatise on love.

Thank you.



tangled stitch said…
My thoughts and prayers are with you. Somehow I did not realize that Gary was sick also. You are a remarkably blessed person for allowing yourself to love. Sometimes loss is consuming, but I think losing loved ones makes the living ones that much more important and that is a gift.

It also reminds us that we all have just so much time to love the people we love and that is a reality most people don't want to think about.

I will pray for you and your beloved Gary.

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