Letting Go

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The original blog post was a poem filled with anger and pain and resentment. After hours of searching my soul I realized that this was pointless, unproductive, and I was giving my energy to a black space and I needed to shift gears. I realized that I have no control over what happens in life and I have to let it go.

I sat in court for 5 hours today on a freezing cold bench awaiting the outcome of the assault charges my daughter filed on her fiance. To keep it brief, the court reduced the charges for him to aggrevated harassment. I was livid. I had gone in there hoping that after 20 years something might have changed. But it seems that if you can afford a good attorney you can get away with beating your wife or girlfriend. There is more to the story, but I would rather not bore you with the details. My Irish Scorpio temper got me riled up for a while, and it took a lot of strength to not shout at the judge in the court room. I took my cold aching ass out of there and hugged my daughter who was devastated. I wanted revenge I suppose. I hoped that the universe would do something to break the cycle of abuse. On one level perhaps it was revenge for me...for the mental and physcial violations that I endured in my life.

I just called her and told her that he was not worth any more time and to use her energy to heal her body. And I have to be a good role model for my child who still has much to learn from me.

There is a good ending to the story. The local arts society in my small city is doing a benefit and some of the money is going to go to Megan for her medication/chemo/etc. costs. The love and kindness of friends has been what has kept us afloat and I again sat and cried when I was told this. But they were not sad tears, they were tears of appreciation and hope.

The digital self portrait is a project I did in school with the kids. They had to take a picture of themselves and put themselves in a scene. It is one of the first photoshop projects I did, and the kids love the project. I look at this to remind myself that I can go to a place of magic and peace.

I am off to bed. I am in need of sleep and magical dreams where every tale has a happy ending.

patti

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