He Went South

If Larry were smart, he would indeed head south, for a few years, until I call him and tell him it is safe to return.

This blog is not for those who don't want to read about peri-menopause and all of its demons. I know a few of you guys read this from time to time. It actually might be a GOOD thing for you to bear with me because unless your wife, girlfriend, mother, or sister are beyond this stage in life, knowledge is power and I might give you some insight OR save your life.

If you ONLY KNEW what it was like, you might buy us flowers, make us dinner, get us drugs. (haha) But be careful, those kind of things might make us wonder what you are up to, especially if it is something that you don't do very often.

The last week has been HELL. Emotionally I have been unstable, and considering going back on medication which I have avoided for years now. When I get really depressed I want to do things to ease the pain. As an abused child I would bang my head on the wall, scratch myself, and if I were not grossed out by it, I would be a cutter. Instead I am mentally tortured, and know I am on the edge. In some insane way I like being on the edge; it is the fountain of creativity for me. But I HATE when I go over and I have to be aware of the dangers. It has been a long long time since I did that...being married keeps me in line, and being married to a calm and sane man helps.

Now, I have a good reason to be stressed. There are many intense things going on in my life. I am the rock of gibralter for too many people, and I worry that I will crack.

Yesterday was the worst. I think Larry was really worried about me. I have had a migrane on and off for a few days. I have had cramps, night sweats, nightmares, and insomnia. At 6 AM he had to wake me up as I was crying in my sleep and in a pool of sweat. I got up and low and behold...I had my period. A 14 day cycle. I was besides myself, but on the other hand, getting one's period means you are not pregnant. But considering that was probably not a possibility, I was pissed. No wonder I was such a mess. It ruined my sunday, I was supposed to go work out and sauna with a friend, and I was in no shape to do that. I am going to head to Hyde Park later to Lois's as she is making dinner and we are watching back episodes of Rome, one of my favorite HBO shows. (I no longer have HBO). I think I can handle that.

So what to do? I am taking a trip to the health food store and going to see if there are any homeopathic or natural treatments for this. I need something strong. I don't want hormone replacement therapy. Isn't there a shot to end all of this? How many years of this do I have to endure? Will I end up in jail because I lost my mind and did something regretable?

If Larry reads this, no doubt he is getting into his Toyota and heading where it is warm and safe. And I don't blame him. Maybe I should just lock myself in my studio and leave a note that under no condition should I be let out during certain times. (like Boris Karloff being locked in a room during the full moon...)

If any of you have any suggestions (besides massage, wine, dinner out with friends, making art, St. John's Wort, chiropractic-- as I already do all of that) would you post a comment? And guys, don't be wise, cause I WILL come and find you.

Back into my studio, Patti