And all the sea was ink

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I had no choice but to switch to the new version of blogger. Now I can’t upload images again. I am a bit disgusted with it all, but I guess for a free service I have to remain patient.

OK I have figured it out. For some reason it is taking my jpgs, but very slowly. I have to wait a while till the DONE button shows. BMP files work much faster. Odd since my jpg files are much smaller than the maximum K allowed. I will have to play around for a bit to figure out which is best. Thank GOD I have good problem solving skills. Comes from being alone a lot and having to fix and figure out many things. I am the computer geek in my family which is a good thing as I would otherwise be verrrrry frustrated!

Tonight’s image was a card I made. It aptly describes the waters I am sailing on. No stars to guide me, no beacon to warn me of rough waters or dangers ahead. I can’t see what’s lurking beneath the waves, and I am sailing on instinct and a prayer.

I talked to Megan this afternoon. She was having a meltdown. She has been vomiting for three days now and feels that she can’t take care of the baby. I had some support group information to give her, but she freaked out and wanted me to stop helping her. I need the group; I will still send her on the information to use, save, or delete. I keep telling her I am here to help in whatever way she needs. She is so stubborn, but I think now it is all catching up with her. The facts she is finding out and the chemo is really making her sick.

I live moment to moment. I have truly found out the meaning of that for the first time. I have taken things a day at a time in my life, but not like this. It is bigger than all of us and I have to reach out.

I have not been in the studio for days. I am hoping I can get some respite to get out there and work. I have German class tonight, but I am not sure that I will stay the whole time. I did not sleep last night, I was hot, my brain did NOT want to shut down. I don’t know, perhaps being in class is good for me. Larry is not home again tonight, and I face another night alone if I stay home. Keeping busy keeps me from dwelling on things any more than I do.

I hate to whine and be so dark. I am not my usual self, and understandably so. I don't want to lose readers, so I have got to get in a space where I can write about other things. It is just that I can only write what is exists within me at any given moment, and right now, there is a void.
Off to German class where we are watching the Edukators. Very interesting movie.
Bis bald, xxx to you all, Patti

Comments

Judy Vars said…
Patti,
Please just keep being honest you are inspiring us in ways that you probably can't see. There are times when OneDayAtATime is so very true.
Yes all the sea was ink.
I switched over to google awhile ago and you'll get used to it. I also got a newsletter from R& F Paints and it sounds like tons of good things going on there in 2007. I am going to endeavor to get involved in something there thid year.
xoxo
Judy
ps my computor is up and running again no lost files.
10:55 PM
søren said…
I was wondering something - I hope this doesn't sound ridiculous and/or insulting, I'm sure you've looked into everything that would help, but - I'm on disability, and it definitely didn't take them a year to give it to me. But also, they had some kinds of emergency funds that they give until the disability goes through. The idea is that if you are then found not disabled, you would pay them back, but obviously, Megan wouldn't have to do that! But of course I have no idea how it works when the disability is coming through a government job.
7:19 AM
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