I did not want to go to German tonight. I was tired, it was POURING out, the wind was whipping around the house, and I would have rather locked myself in the studio.

Yet once I got there, I unwound a bit, and we started watching a new movie WITHOUT the English subtitles, Run Lola Run. A surreal movie which we have not finished, but it is a movie about the different possibilites that could happen in life, and about questions which lead to answers which lead to more questions und so weider. I am hoping the movie ends on a happy note; thus far the two scenarios are rather grim.

Imagine if we could re-run certain events in our lives and and change any number of factors, and view those outcomes, then pick the one that worked best and go from there? I sat and thought about which major things would I want to go back to and change one decision, one move, one word. I could not help think back to when I met my first husband. What if I never went to that bar that night? What if I left him the first time he hit me? The answers and possible outcomes are too painful to think about. Some things are better left in the past. My mantra for a while has been IT ALL IS WHAT IT IS. And leave it at that.

All we can do is do is make the best decisions possible and accept that whatever follows is beyond our control; the only thing we have control over is how we react to the events in our lives.

And that was my moment of zen. Watch out Jon Stewart! g'nite. patti
PS that is Alanna wearing MY halloween mask- upside down of course!


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