In Memoriam

I knew Beppo was going to die. She came to me in a dream the night before to say good bye. I know some of you are thinking the I am weird, but I believe in dreams and apparitions. I had a vision of my father dying before he was diagnosed with terminal cancer at a very young age, I have seen the future in brief but brilliant flashes. I have been preparing for this the past 24 hours, and when the phone rang I knew it was about her.

Many of you have suffered the loss of a family pet. They are like small children, who love us unconditionally and ask for so little and give so much. It is not only the loss of a dear pet, but the memories that come with out pets. When and how we got them, why we got them, the travels, the funny times; it is both the loss of the companionship, and the poignance of memory and the past that we mourn.

Beppo signified times of great struggle, times of great joy, and times of sadness, that were connected with this overweight, sometimes obnoxious, but ever loving talkative cat.

She was the only cat that I had that would roll over on command, but only on the kitchen floor. She tolerated Alanna, mainly because the shock collar keep her in three rooms and she could not escape the squeals of a toddler. She was always good with her, and would put out her claw from time to time to stop her from doing something. That was enough and Alanna would come running into me, hysterical.

I don't know how to tell Alanna where she is. I cannot tell her that she was sick and died, as I don't know what kind of connection she will make with her mother's sickness. I think I will tell her that the doctor is keeping her because she is sick for now. Maybe she won't think to ask for her, but I doubt it as very little escapes those ever wandering eyes.

Hard to believe that I will miss a cat that had a major mental problem not even solved with drugs, who would pee in the weirdest of places till I got invisible fence and kept her in three rooms with washable floors. Then she never peed on anything but in her litter box from that point on.

I will miss her meow when she hears me stir upstairs, I will miss her rubbing cat hair all over my legs as I head out the door to work. I will miss her emerald green eyes that got more intense as she got sicker. I will miss her appreciation of the affection and attention that I gave her.

The cycle of life..... patti


Dargie said…
I'm so sorry for your loss. And I don't think you're weird at all. Occasionally, when I'm on the verge of sleep, and my cat is lying on the pillow beside me, dreaming, I can see his dreams. I think he can see mine, too, and I believe we do communicate with them on that level.

I'm guessing she'll be hanging around your house, just there, at the edge of your vision. They don't always like to leave places where there's love.

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