Urges Part II

It is late, I am way beyond tired. I slept maybe 5 hours last night, and I looked ragged today from it. There are never enough hours in the day for me, and I am wide awake each morning at 5-5:30 am, well before the alarm goes off. So tonight is a quickie. I need to finish up some new art this weekend for both myself and the blog. Tonight's photo was taken while driving from the car at the sunset while heading back over the Hudson.

I got a few responses from people about last night's blog, and I think I touched a few of those raw spots in women's lives. I don't know about men, since they usually don't respond and I suspect there are more women than men reading this, but several posted to the blog and emailed me privately about their urge to live alone.

I have also spoken to several women friends of mine who were both wives and mothers for a good part of their lives, and who are divorced (some more than once)and are over 50 and now live alone. I asked them if they wanted to remarry or share their "space" with another man. The few whom I talked to recently vehemently said NO; they are content with dating, but never want to give up their space to share with anyone again.

I did some research on the internet and came across a great article about mid life divorce. 66% of women vs. 41% of men seek divorce in mid life. The article was very interesting, from AARP Magazine: A House Divided. Lots of compelling info for those of us approaching 50 or older and questioning marriage. One interesting statistic: 43% of women divorcing after 50 would never remarry compared to 33% of men.

Though I am not on the verge of divorce, I still contemplate the need to be alone. One woman said, after a mid-life divorce, that she... "dated but has no desire to remarry. Her female friends provide her with companionship and emotional closeness. And, having been married at 19, she's finally experiencing living in the world on her own. "After getting my divorce it was like going back and doing things I should have done when I was a teenager," she says. "I learned how to look within myself for happiness. It's a new experience, and I have found that I do it quite well."

Hmmm....I can so relate.

So...how can I have my cake and eat it too? There is a lot to be said about a warm body in one's bed, about having companionship in good and bad times. If I lived alone, would I find the peace and freedom that I imagine exists on the other side of the fence? Would I be happy? Would I feel the same had I lived alone for some part of my life, or if I had a less stressful life full of responsibilities?

I can't answer that. And since I am not so miserable as to break up my marriage, I suppose I must find a balance and peace within the relationship AND within myself as long as it exists.

The only solution that comes to my mind right now is VACATION, VACATION, VACATION and to make sure I have time alone and time to heal when the world is twisting around me. Woman are always trying to heal and help the world, and too often forget to heal and take care of themselves. Oh, and constant dialogue with your partner, whether man or woman, keep things on the table in sight..otherwise one risks falling into a ruts and the threat of drifting apart so far that reconciliation is near impossible.

Enough for tonight...lack of sleep might be making me a bit daft!

love to you all, Patti


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