On Losing a Phobia
I will post a picture tomorrow as it is late, I am on an APPLE, I don't have all my gear out to try and figure it out. But being that I have a bit of spare time on my hands tomorrow, I will figure it out. Just what I love, another challenge.
After a CRAZY busy day at work, I hopped in my car, gassed up (where I saw my long lost son--that is for another story-I have so many of them) and headed south to Pelham. Perfect journey save for a bit of rush hour traffic on the Hutchison River Parkway (which heads into NYC).
Not a stomach ache, not a worry. Not a care.
I wondered, what happened to the anxiety and phobia I have had for the past 40 years about traveling? Why did it disappear? I know when, but why? For years I have been crippled by it, causing me to not go places on my own, especially strange places I have never been to.
Perhaps it came out of the desperation of needing to escape last month, and my booking a flight across country and not thinking about it. Is it because at this point in my life travel and adventure might be the one thing that will KEEP my sanity, rather than destroy it? Have I banished the demon of the trauma I experienced that started the entire phobia?
I think it started when I was a little girl and I threw up all over my father's Mercedes. He had a violent temper, and I was frightened of what would happen. I remember him turning around in a stony silence and heading back home. From that point forth, I would get nauseaus before ANY trip out of the ordinary, and it tortured me my entire life.
Tomorrow I might even get in the car (of course with my map) and travel into town, to visit my sister in the hospital (most likely in labor) and pick up my neice at school. I will let you know how I fare, and I feel a freedom that I have not felt in years.
So it IS possible to teach an old dog new tricks. Damn.
PS I figured out how to post a photo on this MAC. This is an antique photo of Brother John, whom I am listing on Ebay in a bit. The back of the photo reads: Brother John-a religious fanatic who is warning the sinners of Honolulu to prepare for the wrath of God. He has been confined in several asylums. An old Hawaiian and two Orientals are the other subjects. Background is the US Transport Cambrai- ready to sail. Honolulu Sept. 20, 1924