Dichotomy of Spring

Spring is here. The violets have disappeared as mysteriously as they appeared. Come to think of it, I have never seen a dead or brown violet, never found little brown corpses slumped over their green heart shaped leaves. Nor have I ever seen a bird die and fall out of the sky while in flight. The mysteries of nature.

The daffodils are little brown paper wisps, and the dandelions have turned into little puff balls in my yard. The wild iris are starting to open, while the lily of the valley are still tight in their buds holding onto their scent for yet another few days. Forget-me-nots still embrace the Buddha, and Larry won't mow the lawn where they grow.

I love the garden at this time of year, in its youthful green and new growth.

However I have been suffering horridly from the pollen of spring. I cannot breathe, I cannot sleep. I lay awake for hours while snippets of dreams and thoughts course through my brains for hours. My ex comes to me in a dream, I slash him with a broken glass. I think about love and remember disappointment. I have a night sweat and remember where I am in my journey through life. I dread the call of the first bird and when I get up I look in the mirror and wonder how many dimes I can fit into the bags in my eyes.

I plough through the day like a zombie in search of food.......and somehow make it though.

I am heading up to bed, my head feeling like it is stuffed inside a huge down pillow. I cannot smell the lilacs, I cannot taste the fresh greens. There is a fire in my temples and my chest feels like someone is sitting on it..but alas, no one is there.

Ah...to sleep, to dream.

Patti