Black Book (Zwartboek)

I had plans tonight to meet a good friend whom I used to work with. At 4 we met in Rhinebeck, and being a lovely spring afternoon we sat outside at what was once the Starr Bar (not sure what it is called now...the Rhinebeck Cantina?) Drinks, light dinner, great conversation and many laughs made it a delightful relaxing time.

There was a man behind us who was very loud, and a bit of a braggert about his involvement in the art world and with some woman who worked at a hospital and I could hear snatches of his conversation...."she does it for money, she won't do it for free" (sing?) and the last part was garbled so I could not determine if he SLEPT with her or SCHLEPPED with her.

All of a sudden I started laughing so hard that the tears were rolling down my face. My back was to the man, so hopefully he did not see, and I think he was too involved with himself to even notice. I dragged my friend out of there before I made a complete ass of myself. Besides, it was time for the movie.

Directed by Paul Verhoeven of Robocop and Basic Instinct fame, Black Book was 2 1/2 hours of intrigue, drama, action, tension, violence and death. Oh, and sex of course. Scenerio: Holland at the end of WWII. The lead character is Rachel, a young beautiful singer who is Jewish and in hiding. I won't tell more but it is about love, betrayal, death, the Resistance, and Nazis, and survival.

Movies like that always shake me up and put me deep in thought. I asked Fran if she wanted to walk as I was not ready to get into my car without processing some of this and releasing the nervous energy out that had been building while watching the movie.

Fran asked me about my mother and son, and all of a sudden I just started crying in the middle of the street. Fortunately we were a bit out of town so that no one saw me. I was too raw to talk about it and choked on the words. I shook it off fast, as I do so many times when I get very sad.

I thought about how terrible life must have been (and still is--- let us not forget that..think of Iraq and Africa for starters..) for millions of people in that horrible war, and how dare I cry because of things that happen in everyday life. I have a nice house, my family and I are safe from persecution, we don't have to prostitute ourselves in any form for any thing, and I hope I never have to watch any of my family members be killed or tortured. How dare I be sad.

Yet my feelings are so very real and valid, but this film helped put things in perspective, which is sometimes what I need in order to refocus myself.

Tonight's work is an eruption of Mauna Loa in Hawaii during the 1920's.....I thought it visually fitting for my mood.

Still in deep thought, Patti


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